Just Like We Dreamed It

1.
The room was less than half full. Only about a dozen students had decided to come and attend the Brighton-Hill Music Conservatory summer programme's orientation session. The mood was quiet so far. These new students had mainly been listening to welcome speeches from their seniors and watched video clips telling them things about the school that they already knew. He sat and let his eyes rove over the silent people in the room, all looking bored. A girl was fiddling with her fingernails. A boy was dozing off in his chair. Some others were examining spots on the walls. He was people watching. This was the people he would be spending the next twelve weeks with. He hoped he'd fit in. He pushed his thick glasses higher up his nose and abandoned all pretense of paying attention to the video. Glancing round again, he saw a girl a few seats from him sketching something into a small notebook with her blue pen. Something about her caught his eye and he couldn't help but steal glances at her every few seconds. She was fairly pretty, not in the prom queen kind of way but in the sweetheart sense. She was tilting her head in his direction and her blond hair hung by the side of her face. He could not see her eyes for she was looking down at her notebook. Every now and then, she would throw cursory glances at the screen and then return to her sketching. Look up. Look up. he thought in his mind. No, don't look up. Don't catch me staring at you. She looked up anyway and for a split second, their eyes met. Her eyes were dark too. She looked at him for a second and then looked away, sitting up to pay attention to the video again. He decided to do the same but after about five minutes, he turned back to look at her yet again.

The video finally ended almost half an hour later and a smattering of relieved clapping went round the room. The orientation leaders instructed them all to arrange their chairs into a circle and seat themselves. It was time for a formal round of introductions. He looked round and found her again. She was rolling her eyes and her expression clearly said that she regretted coming to attend this orientation programme. The orientation leader asked them to go in a clockwise direction and introduce themselves, say something interesting about themselves. Of course all the good intentions were put into this request but it was lost on the bored students who ended up just saying their name and what they were studying at the Conservatory. So far there were three guitarists, four pianists and a violinist. He sank into a torpor again, only listening a little to the introductions.

"Hi! I'm ABC - Arwen Beverley Chua. You can call me Arwen or ABC if you're really brave. I live in Manhattan and I play the piano." he looked up at this different introduction and saw that it was her. In the light, he saw that she was of mixed heritage. Her hair was bleached blond and her eyes were a deep sea blue. She was wearing a pretty blue blouse and black jeans, showing off her slim figure, again, not prom queen thin but adequate. He smiled at her, the only person who did so. Everyone else seemed too jaded.

When it was his turn, he stood and said, "I'm Clay Aiken. From Raleigh, North Carolina. You can call me Clay. I'm a nerd. And I sing." he said this almost directly to her. Not quite believing that he had just blurted out that he was a nerd, he quickly sat down and blushed. There was some scattered laughter when he announced his status as a nerd but he just ignored it. The orientation leaders had them play a few more lame games involving team building and getting to know each other. Arwen was not in Clay's team at all but whenever he looked over at her, he saw her half joining in, half pulling back, always laughing or smiling. It made him smile too just to watch her smiling. She had glanced over and saw him too and grinned widely at him. She probably remembers me as the skinny nerd. He thought to himself. For that was exactly what he was. He was skinny, dressed in lousy clothes that were fashionable probably fifty years ago, something a grandfather would wear. Huge thick glasses hid his eyes and he had hair that never did what he wanted it to do. A while back he had tried to dye it but it turned out such a horrible shade of brown that he couldn't wait for it to grow back again. His entire physical look was embarrassing to him.

The programme was over in a few hours time and in that time, there was not two seconds in which Clay did not try to glance over at Arwen. He was shy to go over and talk to her. She seemed to be well accepted in the group, already chatting with one of the other girls as though they were long time friends. However, luck was on his side. Her bag was in a corner by itself and she was there by herself, putting away the orientation materials and organising her bag. He slung his own backpack onto his shoulders and tried to decide whether or not to go over. Just do it Clay. Just go over there and...and what?? Quick, think of a good pick up line! He wished he was suave and didn't have to worry about rejection. No one else seemed to have trouble with women, none of his friends that is. So why him? He knew he had to do it quickly or she'd leave. She was already shouldering her sling bag and getting ready to leave. There weren't many other people still left in the room. This was the moment if he wanted to talk to her.

His feet had propelled him halfway across the room towards her before he realised it. She saw him coming but obviously didn't think he was going to speak to her for she changed course to avoid what she though was going to be a collision between them. She smiled shyly as he came closer, the kind of smile that a person smiles when she isn't sure if the smile would be returned. Clay smiled back his widest smile, cursing fate that he owned a crooked smile and one half of his lips would curl upwards more than the other.

"So, where did you get such a funny nickname ABC?" the words just slipped out of Clay's mouth unbidden. He blushed again and saw a strange expression crossing her face, the kind of expression saying that she couldn't decide if he was trying to be funny or trying to be mean. "Oh my god. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that. It's just verbal diarrhoea. I mean, it's wasn't supposed to sound that way. And, oh Lord, I'm making such a fool of myself now."

Arwen smiled uncertainly at him. "Um...ok." she said and walked off. The minute she walked through the door, Clay banged his head against the wall. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. He couldn't believe that he had just acted like such an idiot. He had already confessed to being a nerd. But now he was a dumbass. He went out of the room and saw, to his extreme mortification, that Arwen was still there in the hallway outside. She was rummaging through her bag as though searching for something. Second chance, the Lord is giving me a second chance. Clay thought.

"Hey ABC, do you need help?" he asked, intentionally using her nickname, hoping that it would make her smile in a good way. And it did.

"Hello. Um...no it's ok, I was just looking for my keys but I must've left it at home or something." she replied.

"Well, do you wanna go back to the room and check if it's there?" Clay asked, gesturing back in that direction. "I could come with you."

She seemed relieved and accepted Clay's offer. He felt like he was walking on air when he went back with her and checked for her keys. They looked in silence. Then Clay spotted a glint of metal on the floor hidden behind a set of chairs. He knelt down hooked it out with his long thin fingers. It was a set of keys on a koala keychain. "Is this it?" he asked, holding it up for her to see.

"Oh yes! Where was it?" she exclaimed, happy that her keys were found. He showed her the spot. "I must have dropped it when I was digging through my bag just now. I really should carry less stuff with me all the time."

"Nah. Just be more careful next time." Clay advised, getting up off the floor. She put away her keys into a pocket of her bag. "I'm Clay." he introduced, holding out his hand to her.

"Arwen." she replied, shaking his hand. Her hand was soft and supple and her fingers were long and thin too. "ABC is my initials but it's just a nickname. No one really calls me that."

"Can I?" Clay asked shyly.

She smiled. "If you give me a nickname to call you, then maybe I'll let you call me ABC."

"Quid pro quo huh? Ok, I get it." Clay said. "Well...I guess some people call me Gonzo."

"Gonzo? As in 'The Great'? From the Muppets?" She wanted to laugh. "Why'd they call you that?"

"It's a long story actually." Clay began, walking back towards the door with Arwen. "See, I work at the YMCA back home in Raleigh and well, my friends say I'm like Gonzo in the way I do things."

"You like getting shot out of cannons? Or did you fall in love with a chicken called Camilla?"

Clay laughed. "No! But it's like...you know how Gonzo just keeps trying to do things to get his act together and make people laugh and smile? Yeah, my friends say that I'm like that. I'd do anything to do my job well. I've let kids duct tape me to the wall and I've dressed up in a gorilla suit with a pink tutu. Yeah. So, I'm Gonzo."

"You're funny, Gonzo."

Clay smiled his crooked smile again. At least she didn't hate him or think that he's a psycho. His confidence was slowing seeping back into his body. "So...you're new at Brighton-Hill?"

"Yeah, kinda. I was accepted last year but something came up and I couldn't do it in the end. I'm really glad they let me come back this summer instead. How bout you?"

"First time. First time away from home too. It's kinda scary." Clay confessed.

"I see your point. New York City can be scary for first timers here." Arwen reassured him. "You're not a wimp or anything. Don't worry about that."

"Thanks Arwen. I appreciate that." Clay said, genuinely happy that she was not looking down on him. "So, tell me about yourself. You are a New Yorker? So you're living, what? At home or in the hostel?"

"You've got lots of questions for someone fresh out of the country." Arwen teased. "Yes, I'm a New Yorker. I'm living, well, a bit at home, a bit in school. You know there's some kind of thing in the student agreement that we have to stay in the school. So I have a room here but I go home some days."

"Why're you coming to music school in the first place?"

"I live a few blocks down the street from here. So I pass by this place almost everyday. I always saw cool musicians coming in and out of the building and I thought to myself, one day, I'm gonna study here. I'll learn my music and be famous." Arwen laughed at the memory. "I know, it's uber childish but that was me. Anyway, Dad doesn't really want me to take a summer job and I don't want to stay at home all day and cook and clean. I'm not that much of a lady. Summer school's my excuse."

Clay decided to reciprocate with his reasons for coming to music school. "I'm a singer at home. I sing in choirs and all that. And I'm considering if I wanna go to music college after high school. So I thought I'd try out summer programme first and then see if I like it enough to continue with it in my further studies."

"Just trying out? Why'd you come here to try out? This place is like the best music conservatory in the East Coast and you're just trying it out?" Arwen sounded outraged.

"I'm sorry. What I meant was that...well, it's not that I'm not passionate about music. I am. I love my music and I love singing. I'm just not sure if I want music to be the rest of my life."

Arwen shook her head, her smile disappearing for a while. "You don't get it. This place, everyone here lives and breathes and thinks music. Music is their life. They have no life but music. And here you are saying that you don't really care. Music is an optional element in your life. Brighton-Hill is not for people like you Clay. It's for people who are truly passionate and really want this chance. Why are you even here if you're not sure? You're just wasting your money."

Clay shrugged. "I have my reasons."

"Better be good reasons. Else you're taking the place of someone who really wants to be here but didn't get chosen." Arwen told him. "I'm sure you're a really great musician. But you should try and figure out what priority music has in your life." They entered the lobby of their dorm together and she automatically turned to take the right stairwell towards the ladies' dorms. Saying his goodbye, he watched as Arwen climbed up the stairs. She was a character and Clay really wanted to have the chance to get to know her better. She had given him a lot to think about that night, and it was not just because of her little lecture about passion.

---

2.
"Gonzo!" he heard a voice call him from across the courtyard. The place was full of students on the first day of school and it was bustling with activity. Scanning the crowd, Clay finally spotted one familiar face who had the permission to call him by his nickname. He waved at Arwen and made his way through the crowd to join her on the stone banister of the stairs. She was wearing a dress today and her legs were long and slim under the light fabric. She was smiling widely and her smile only got broader as he approached her. "Hey you!"

"Hey yourself ABC!" Clay grinned, glad to see her again. He had thought that she wouldn't speak to him again, not after all his gaffs on that orientation day. "Class today?"

"Class everyday, Crazy." Arwen answered. "This is summer school, not grad school. We don't have the luxury of arranging which days we want to study and which not."

"Guess not." Clay replied with another huge grin. He felt like high school again, with the girl he was having a crush on talking to him. "So um...what classes do you have today?"

Arwen pulled out a diary from her bag and flipped through the pages. Clay loved the way the loose hairs on her fringe hung down over her face as she bent over the pages. "Stop staring Gonzo. You're making me uncomfortable." she said without looking up at him.

Clay blushed. "Sorry." he mumbled, moving his eyes to look elsewhere, pretending that he wasn't staring.

"You're cute, you know that?" she asked him, holding her diary out to him. "There's my schedule. Now you gotta show me yours." She giggled as she said that, pulling the diary a little out of his reach. Clay noticed how easily and lightly she laughed, such a childlike trait. He complied, pulling a piece of paper out of his file and handing it to her in exchange for hers. "You know? I can barely read your writing." Arwen commented at first glance.

"Haha! I'm a guy. I'm not obliged to have beautiful handwriting. Anyway, I didn't think anyone but me would be reading that." Clay replied her. He studied her beautifully typed out and printed timetable. "Are you some kind of a neat freak Arwen? Cos you're timetable might as well be a surgery schedule, it's so neatly done. By the way, did you know that you're name's from the Lord of the Rings?" He rattled on, his nerves taking over him just when he thought he'd had them under control.

She put a hand on his arm and he looked at her. "Clay. Calm down. You're going on and on and on." He hung his head and looked sheepish. "Yes. I know I'm in Lord of the Rings." she smiled.

"We've got similar classes." he pointed out, trying to change the subject away from him. "Look. Choir with Mr Zachery now. Then voice with Prof Bertinilli." She didn't reply but took back her diary from him. "I thought you're a pianist."

"Yeah well, I thought I'd try something different for a change." she replied off handedly.

"But you didn't have piano class. Except for the theory of music one. What's up with that?"

"My own decision and none of your business." she said, trying to make it sound like a tease but Clay wasn't buying any of that.

"Oh so yesterday you were lecturing me about passion. Now you're the one telling me that you're trying something out for fun?" Clay grinned at her expectantly. He wondered what kind of come back she would have for that. He wasn't prepared when her expression fell and she started to walk away. Oh Lord, what did I say? What did I do now?? Clay quickly caught up with her and grabbed her arm. "Woah there! Arwen, what's the matter? Look, I'm sorry I turned tables on you alright? I was just teasing you."

"Forget it Clay. I was just had stuff on my mind. It's not your fault." she said slowly. Then, without warning, her mood changed again and she plastered a smile on. "Come on. We'll be late for choir. Something we don't want to be on our first day of school." She turned and headed towards the choir room with Clay following in her wake wondering what the heck had just happened.

The choir room was large with a piano on the teachers' platform and chairs were arranged in orderly rows single file with a silver metal music stand at each place. Some other students were already gathered and had chosen seats. "Can I sit with you?" Clay bent to whisper to Arwen as they entered the room.

"If seating isn't pre-arranged." Arwen whispered back.

"Why are we whispering?" Clay asked.

"You started it Gonzo." Arwen replied and headed to an empty seat on the inside half of the room. Clay took the seat immediately behind her. "Wonder what we'll be doing." she speculated. The blackboard was completely blank and nothing to indicate that classes were going to start. It was just like being in a waiting room.

Then the door flew open with a dramatic flourish and Mr Zachery swept in. He looked like a left over from the hippie era - long brown hair and beard with baggy jeans and shirt. "Good morning everyone. I'm Mr Zachery and I'll be your choir teacher for the next twelve weeks, count em, of your life here at Brighton-Hill. Don't bother sucking up, I'm a fair judge of ability. Don't try to hide at the back cos that's where I'll look first. You can sleep in my class, you can dream, you can do whatever you want. Just make sure you have an answer when I pick on you and don't snore and disturb your fellow colleagues." He walked all over the room as he said that, taking in all his students with a keen eye. He paused on Arwen with what Clay thought was a longer glance than the others. "Now, you will get into groups of four - soprano, alto, tenor, bass - and I'll tell you the horrible and difficult piece which you will master and perform by the time this course ends." He paused and looked expectantly at his class. "Why are you still sitting there? Move, people!"

There was a flurry of activity as people quickly formed themselves into groups. Clay and Arwen grouped together with a bass, Graham, and a soprano, Kellie. As introductions went round, Mr Zachery revealed that they were going to tackle was Haydn's Imperial Nelson Mass. A collective groan went up from the class as well as some suppressed excitement at the interesting piece.

"So, how good are you guys at this?" Kellie asked conversationally. Graham grunted. He seemed passive.

"I don't know." Clay answered flipping through his score with a look on his face that suggested it told him he owed the mafia a million dollars or else they would hang him by his legs over a lake of hungry alligators. "I thought I was decent but this score's freaking me out a little."

"Relax Clay, I'm sure it'll be fun." Arwen assured him. "It looks great!"

"Wow you actually sound excited." Clay said sarcastically. "We haven't even heard it yet."

"Sight read Clay. It does look like fun." Kellie said. Clay didn't reply her but just sighed and bent over his score again.

---

3.
"ABC, I think I'm not gonna survive music school." Clay said the minute he exited the classroom. Mr Zachery had put them through their paces, making each of them sing exercises solo and teaching them a million other techniques that Clay struggled with. He saw that Arwen didn't seem to have a problem with it and if anything, Kellie was the teacher's pet. He was practically fawning over her by the time class ended. So much for fairness and judging on ability. Clay had thought bitterly. But his fair mind told him that Mr Zachery was right to fawn over Kellie. She was the best student in the class.

"It's only your first day. Sure it'll get better." Arwen said as she navigated the hallways trying to find their music theory class.

"No it's not going to get better. You heard Kellie. I cannot sight read if my life depended on it." Clay insisted.

"Stop being so pessimistic. That's what school is for. They teach you how to do things with your music." Arwen offhandedly told him. Clay was making no effort to find their class, he was too upset with his first class to think about mundane things like the location of his next class. "Shit! This place's a bloody Minotaur's labyrinth. I have no idea where we are." She stopped and balanced her things on her left hand while she used her right hand to consult a map. "Let's see, we're here and...ok here we go, I got it. I think. Here take a look." She offered Clay a look at the map but at that moment, her left hand seemed to give way and everything tumbled out of her arms onto the floor of the hallway. She turned bright red and bent down to gather her stuff.

Clay knelt by her to help. "Is everything ok? You want me to help you carry your stuff or something?"

"No." Arwen said as they straightened up again. "It's just my left hand's a bit weak. I keep forgetting not to overtax it."

"Okay..." Clay said slowly, not entirely convinced. He saw her clenching and unclenching the fingers of her left hand and flexing her left wrist when she thought he wasn't looking.

Their music theory class went well even though it left Clay feeling completely out of his league with a lot of the musical terms flying over his head. He was quiet all through lunch, pouring over his Haydn score as he ate. The courtyard however was alive with the noise of a hundred students making music during their lunch hour. Every corner of the courtyard was crammed with students jamming in small groups with all kinds of instruments and rhythms.

"Wouldja just look at that." Arwen breathed excitedly as she returned with her burger and milk on a tray. "Isn't that just the most amazing thing ever?" Her eyes were sparkling as she watched her schoolmates making music.

"That's your happy place Arwen. Not mine at the moment." Clay said listlessly.

"Aw Gonzo come on. What happened to that ra-ra guy I know?" She asked enthusiastically. "Come on. Stop looking at the Haydn. Music isn't just found in dusty old scores. It's in things like that." she pointed to a knot of students clustered round a hunky looking guitarist and their classmate Kellie. "Just look at them and listen to what they're doing. That's music too. They love what they're doing and that's the passion of it."

"It takes more than passion to make good music Arwen." Clay sighed. "You gotta know your stuff and all that. And I don't know it that's why I'm gonna have to work extra hard with Haydn to keep up with everyone else."

"You're such a party pooper Gonzo." Arwen teased. "It's lunch hour. No one's judging you. No teachers, no school mates, no one. You gotta enjoy what you do Clay. If it becomes a chore then things change and it becomes work. You can't be a musician if music becomes work." Clay laughed. He heard the passion in her voice and he respected it. He obeyed her and put away his music score, paying attention to the people around him. He began to understand where Arwen was coming from. All this music around him was not class work. It was just pure spur of the moment inspiration and the instruments were outlets for this inspiration. It was beautiful really, even though Clay felt out of his league seeing his fellow schoolmates being able to play and create so effortlessly.

The afternoon only got worse for Clay. Listening to the music during lunch had helped to balm his spirits a little and he went into this next class feeling optimistic. Optimism quickly evaporated into despair as the teacher, Professor Zigtler faced the class with a grim face worthy of World War Two enemy German generals. Picking up a pitchfork, he precisely sounded it and asked, "Who can identify this note?"

Several members of the class raised their hands including Arwen, albeit half-heartedly. It seemed that she hated to have to best Clay once again. Clay kept his eyes well down, hoping that he could become invisible but as luck would have it, Professor Zigtler pointed at him and barked, "You! Tell me the note."

Clay turned pale and he began panicking inside. "Um...um..." he said to try to stall time. The Professor sighed impatiently and sounded the note again. There were some scattered giggles from the class.

"Silence." Professor Zigtler warned and the giggling stopped though there was still some fidgeting and nudging. "I'm waiting Mr Aiken."

Clay hung his head again and looked desperately at Arwen. She tried to mouth the answer to him but he didn't get it. "Um...a G?" he hazarded a guess.

"B!" the professor was wearing his most annoyed scowl now and his lips were turned down almost to an upside down U shape. Clay threw another desperate look at Arwen beside him. "In this class," the professor went on, leaning on his desk in front of the class. "You will learn to read music. Because when you can pick up a piece of music and instantly know what exactly it sounds like inside your head, then, you can appreciate what the composer has to say when he wrote the piece, without the need to use an instrument. Only then can you become a true musician." He went on to talk more about the subtleties of reading music as Clay slouched lower in his chair, barely listening to the lecture. "You will each come to me for individual lessons and I will hone your abilities. Reading music exactly is a skill and I expect those of you who don't have this skill to work that much harder." He was now staring pointedly at Clay who fought hard to maintain his stare but failed. Professor Zigtler's scowl had a tinge of satisfaction to it as he broke the gaze.

The bell to signal the end of class could not have been more soon for Clay. He was first out of the class and it took Arwen a while to find him lurking in a solitary corner of the stairwell. "You know, I should just throw in the towel and quit music school right now." he said when he saw Arwen coming towards him.

She sat on a stair and looked at him. "Fine. Quit."

"I mean it!" Clay insisted. "Lord. He hates me. Just because I couldn't identify his stupid B. I was three whole tones off!" Arwen didn't say anything. "And I'll just die if I have to take one on one class with him. He'll kill me. No. He'll make me identify all the notes on the piano then he'll kill me when I get it all wrong." Clay paused, expecting a response. "Say something ABC!"

"It's your choice Gonzo." Arwen replied. "You could leave right now and wonder what could have happened if you stayed. Or you could stay and wonder what would have happened if you left. It's that simple. The question is: how far would you go for your music and how will you answer yourself when you look back on this episode ten years down the road? Sure, go ahead. Quit. Forget about how much you love music, how much you really want this. You want to quit because deep inside you, you feel that you could have done so much more but you don't know how. And that sucks for you to face isn't it?"

"You don't understand anything Arwen!" Clay angrily replied. She was putting her fingers on all his sore spots with her analysis of his feelings. "You know everything there is to know about music. You know whether it's a B or a C or a freaking A flat. You can survive here. I can't. What would you know about how I feel?"

"You're right. I don't know how you feel. I'm not you. And yes, I know things." Arwen said calmly. "If you leave now, you'll never know."

Clay flopped down next to her on the step. "It's so hard. I don't know if I can cope with it here."

"Do you want to?"

"More than anything. I love music. I hate being ignorant and stupid about it. I do want to know things. Yes. I want to know."

"Then stay." Arwen told him, taking his hand. Clay looked at her in amazement. "I'll help you when I can. But it's most important that you want to do it." Clay nodded in affirmative. "Stay. You'll do fine."

---

4.
Clay decided to stay on at the Conservatory, scary as the prospect was for him. It was only twelve weeks. He could handle it. It would be like summer camp except that he had friends now. He became almost inseparable from Arwen, she was like the sister he never had. And she helped him in every class she could. They practiced singing together every day after class. Mr Zachery seemed to like to pick on her the way Professor Zigtler picked on Clay and in a way, Clay enjoyed watching her squirm a little. Voice was not her strong point and choir was not her best class. Once Clay realised this point, he was very very happy. Despite the seeming head start she had over him, he did better than her in the long run. He worked harder and was always on top of his game. On the other hand, Arwen seemed to just mosey along and go with the flow. She did her work and that was it. Anything extra she did was because Clay asked her to do it.

"Is everything ok?" Clay asked her as he plonked his lunch tray down on the aluminium cafeteria table. The morning's class hadn't been too good for Arwen. Mr Zachery had split the class into four small groups and assigned a different song for each of the groups to prepare and present to the class by the end of the lesson. Clay had thought that it would have been a piece of cake for someone as talented as Arwen but she had gone to pieces and had gotten everything wrong. Mr Zachery had scolded her and she had left the room in tears with everyone watching her.

"I'll be fine." Arwen looked up and mumbled to him.

"Are you sure? Cos you sure don't look fine." Clay reached out his hand, gently brushing away a strand of blond hair that strayed over her face.

"Why? Do I have 'Poor Arwen' tattooed on my forehead or something?" she asked laughingly, taking hold of Clay's hand. "Quit being nosy and eat your lunch Gonzo." Clay gave her a goofy grin and tucked into his greasy cheeseburger lunch.

"That is so not good for your voice. You'd better not let Mr Z see you ruining your golden throat." Arwen added.

"You want some?" Clay asked holding his burger up to her.

Arwen rolled her eyes. "No. I don't want your cheeseburger."

"You want your own? I can get you one. Extra mustard and pickles and onions."

"Ewww..." Arwen wrinkled up her nose at the thought of all that strong smelling foods.

"Okay, no cheeseburger for you then." Clay grinned at her again, a boyish half grin in which he rested his upper teeth on his lower lip. Then, he scooted his chair over to her side of the table and, ignoring her look of curiosity at what he was trying to do, he kissed her on the lips, cupping her cheek with a hand. When he was done, he smiled, moved his chair back and continued eating his cheeseburger as though nothing had just happened. Arwen's mouth was wide open as she stared at him, unable to believe what he had just did. Clay glanced up at her. "What?"

Arwen's lips moved with no sound. Then she began to laugh. She laughed long and hard and was bent over in laughter spasms before long. Clay just watched her in amusement. When she finally stopped laughing, she said, "What did you just do?"

"I kissed you." Clay said matter-of-factly.

"Why??"

"Because it felt like the right thing to do." Clay replied, as though she had just asked him why he decided to use this chord and not the other. "And it made you smile."

"Yes. It certainly made me smile." Arwen told him. "Thank you."

"No problem ABC." Clay said, finished off the last of his lunch. "Next time you want a smile, feel free." He picked up his tray and stood. "I'll see ya in class later. Gotta make a run for the library to get some books." He'd made it to the doorway of the cafeteria before he felt a soft hand taking his. He turned and saw Arwen walking beside him. "Hello." he said.

"Hi." she said.

And they walked together in silence down the corridor. They held hands as Clay browsed through the books in the library, selecting the books that he needed to write his essay. It was only as they were entering their classroom that Arwen, as silently as she had began, pulled her hand away from his as she went to sit at her place. Clay could not keep his mind on the lesson. He kept stealing glances at her, the way he had when he first saw her at the Orientation session weeks ago. This time, Arwen caught him staring and smiled so sweetly back at him that he felt like he was floating on air.

Clay didn't get a chance to talk to Arwen for the rest of the afternoon. Her classes for that day were different from his. He finally found her in the evening in one of the music practice rooms. She was seated at the piano and tinkling at the keys randomly with her right hand. She looked up at him when she heard him open the door but didn't say anything, turning back to the piano. Clay stood by the door trying not to interrupt her but the more he listened, he found that he could not recognise what tune she was playing. And her expression touched his heart in a way that nothing could. She looked so sad and he didn't know why. Clay went, sat next to her at the piano and put his arm round her waist.

"Do you need me to make you smile again Arwen?" Clay asked softly. Arwen shook her head then leaned towards him. He thought she was going to rest her head on his chest or something and something swelled inside him at the thought. But she seemed to change her mind at the last minute and sat up straight. They sat in silence for a while. "I heard you're a great player Arwen. Why don't you play something for me?" Clay asked, trying to break the silence and maybe cheer her up a little.

"Thanks for trying Clay. But no. I don't feel up to playing right now." she said.

She stood to go but Clay held her hand and made her sit again. "Is this about this afternoon?" he asked gingerly.

"No it isn't." she replied. "Just...bad day is all."

"How bout I play something for you then?" Clay suggested, placing his hands on the keyboard.

"I thought you don't play Gonzo." Arwen said, half smiling.

"I don't. But I do know a little." Clay said. He played a scale to adjust his fingers to the unaccustomed feel of the keys. Then he began to play and sing.

Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high
There's a land that I've heard of once in a lullaby.
Somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue
And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true.

Arwen leaned against him lightly, trying not to disturb his movements. She was smiling at his feeble attempts at playing the piano. Closing her eyes, she rested her head on his shoulder and she said, "I love this music."

Someday I'd wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where troubles melt like lemon drops away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me.

Clay stopped singing for a moment, letting his fingers clumsily play the chorus. He turned his head and let his face snuggle amid her hair. He kissed her on the top of her head.

Somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue
And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true.

---

5.
"Hey! Watcha up to?" Arwen bounced up to Clay. He was sitting at the piano in the performance hall with papers scattered all around the area.

"Nothing. I..." Clay blushed as he tried to gather up the papers. "Stay right there and don't move." he ordered.

"Gonzo's embarrassed." Arwen said in a sing-song voice but she stopped right in her tracks, allowing him to gather his mess. "Come on, tell me. I promise I won't tell anyone."

"I'm working on the project." Clay said, as though that would explain everything. There was a term project that everyone had to do which was to demonstrate what they had learnt during the course of the semester. Usually that involved writing a piece of music or an essay or prepare a performance piece.

"There's nothing embarrassing about working on the project." Arwen informed him. "By the way, am I allowed to approach you now? Have you tidied up your top secret?"

Clay laughed. "Yes. Permission granted. You have clearance." Arwen came up to him and looked at the piece of paper right on top. It was a messy scribbled score sheet with more words than notes at the moment. Clay knew she was looking and didn't say anything, waiting for her comment. "Well?" he asked when she didn't respond.

"You tell me. This is your project."

"You're looking at it!"

"You didn't ask for my opinion!"

"Since when did you ask for permission to give your opinion?"

"So are you going to show me everything or can I just look at the top sheet and imagine the rest?"

Clay gave her a sheepish grin. "There isn't really much more. It's just theory materials. To try and, you know...My theory sucks and I can't write nice score music without the theory." He gave her the whole stack of materials to look at. Arwen saw that he was really trying hard but it wasn't working too well. His grasp of music wasn't tight enough to enable him to write it well. "And...well, you know Director Lonnie said that there'll be a scholarship to Carnegie College for Performing Arts. You know. For the one who did the best on this project. I thought I'd just give it a shot. Wouldn't hurt. But then once I started, I thought that I should do it right."

Arwen grinned at him. "Well, you should. Else why would you even bother trying to start." She placed the music score on the piano stand. "Let's see what you got. It's too confusing to read, I have to play it." Clay blushed again. He didn't think that anyone would have to be hearing what he had tried to write. Not for a few more weeks at least. It sounded too much like something out of Disney and it embarrassed him to have anyone else hear it. But Arwen played the piece anyway. It was the first time he'd heard her play and she was definitely genius. Her sight-reading was flawless. She picked up his pencil, crossing out some chords he had written. "This'll sound better. What do you think?" she asked as she played the bit again for him.

"Beautiful. That's exactly what I wanted." Clay told her. She made a few more amendments to his notes and to mistakes in rhythm that he pointed out to her. "You know, we could submit this as a joint entry and split the scholarship between us."

"I don't know if that's allowed Clay."

"Why not? Come on, it'll be fun. And half a scholarship's better than nothing."

"You don't even know if this'll work." Arwen started giving excuses.

"Hey. You're Arwen Beverley Chua. You're the genius of the school. I've heard what they're saying about you."

"What are they saying about me?" Arwen interrupted him sharply.

Clay looked a little taken aback at her tone. "Nothing. They're just saying that you're the best in the school."

"Based on what?"

"Apparently Prof Ziegtler's been singing your praises. Saying you've got perfect pitch and perfect sight reading skills. Then Mr Z mentioned something about your audition tape. How you wowed them so much, that's why they let you come back this time round based on last year's audition. And...I was talking to Kellie. She heard you playing piano in the rehearsal room. She said you were a wizard on the keys..." The enthusiasm in Clay's voice faltered when he saw her expression. He couldn't read her - whether she was embarrassed, pleased or angry.

The moment grew awkward when neither of them said anything after that. Then Arwen acted like nothing had happened and put Clay's amended music score back on the piano stand. "Let's play through what you got now. Will you sing it?"

Clay nodded and cleared his throat in preparation. Arwen began playing and he sang. There were some gaps in his lyrics which he substituted temporarily with nonsense syllables. There wasn't much to review. Less than a quarter of the song was complete and the rest was still in pieces. Arwen tried to join these pieces with her own chords and interludes and it sounded good to Clay. She wasn't called the genius for nothing. But then a sour sound came from the piano. The fingers of her left hand slipped all of a sudden and hit the wrong notes. Arwen immediately stopped playing and clenched her left hand into a fist. Her face displayed extreme anger. She unclenched her hand and tried to flex the fingers. It seemed to be a hard effort on her part to do just that and her fingers barely moved.

"Arwen? What's wrong?" Clay asked.

"It happens." she replied, tension underlying her voice despite her attempts to keep her voice even and calm.

"What happens?"

"My hand just...locks up. I don't know why."

Clay took her hand and tried to massage it. The muscles felt like they were seizing up and it was so tense. It was hard to move her fingers. There was a subtle trembling from her hand. Arwen pulled her hand back. "Don't." she said. "It'll pass."

"Are you sure? Did I hurt you? Do you need to see a doctor or something?" Clay asked in concern.

"I said it'll pass!" she snapped at him.

"Okay! There's no need to bite my head off." Clay snapped back, feeling like his good intentions had just been unjustly maligned.

"I'm sorry." Arwen apologised. She leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. "I know you're worried but it's just...it happens. And I...um...let's just say I don't like it when it happens and leave we'll it like that ok?"

"Okay." Clay said uncertainly. Arwen kissed him again and got up to leave. He watched her walk up the aisle of the hall. All the while, he wondered what was wrong with her. Then suddenly, something clicked in his mind, something else that had been on his mind since the first day he'd met her. "Arwen!" he called. She turned to face him. "Will you go out with me? On a...um...date?"

Arwen giggled, her hands on her hips as she smiled and replied, "I would love to go on a date with you."

---

6.
Arwen opened the door of her hostel room and found a good looking guy standing outside. Clay had tried to dress up to the occasion. He had put aside his usual bermudas, sloppy tshirts and slippers, replacing it with nice jeans, a proper shirt and polished shoes. However, the collar of his shirt was curled in and he didn't seem to have noticed it. He had also tried unsuccessfully to do his hair. It was a mess, sticking up all over the place. He had on a very shy boyish smile and looked like a teenager on his first ever date. Arwen tried hard not to laugh at his appearance. Clay had also put on contacts and for once, she could see the clear green of his eyes and it was beautiful. He was tugging at the hem of his shirt awkwardly. "Is this ok? Should I tuck it in?" he asked the minute he saw her.

"Well hello to you too." she said, taking his hand and leading him into the room. "You look cute. Really cute." she put her hands round him and adjusted his collar for him. "You look like a kid by the way. This look suits you."

"Ok, now you're teasing me. I look a mess. This was a bad idea." Clay said.

"What? The dressing up or the date?" Arwen asked.

"No no! Lord, no. Of course not the date. I meant the dressing up." Clay quickly replied. "Look at me. I'm a mess. Geez."

"Relax Gonzo. It's fixable." Arwen reassured him, trying to arrange his hair so that it didn't look like his head just exploded.

"You look pretty." Clay said shyly. "I like your dress."

"It's my performance outfit. So every time I have to dress up you'll see this. I don't quite like dressing up."

"Yeah. Me neither."

Arwen began to laugh. The absurdity of their situation was hilarious. "So who're you trying to impress?" she asked, swinging her body side to side allowing her skirt to swish around her.

Clay grinned. "A certain girl I'm interested in. How 'bout you?"

"A guy. He's got the greenest eyes I've ever seen and I'm only seeing them for the first time today."

"Hmm...sounds like me." Clay decided. He took her in his arms and kissed her. "You know? About that girl I'm interested in? She's got blue eyes and blond hair. She's wearing a cute black dress and her hair's down over her shoulders and she looks...so perfect. Know anyone fitting that description?"

Arwen laughed and kissed him. "Sounds like me."

"Ding! You're right. It's you." Clay said, pretending to be a game show host. Linking her arm through his, he asked, "So, ready to go?"

"Whenever you're ready." Arwen replied, grabbing her little clutch purse.

Clay took her to a nearby Taco Bell for dinner. "We romance on a budget I'm afraid." he apologised when he opened the door for her to go in. He ordered and paid and brought the food back to the table they had chosen.

"Do you like Mexican food?" Arwen asked as she unwrapped her chalupa.

"It's alright. I was thinking of bringing you to McDonald's but why feed the commercialised chain more?" Clay joked.

"You love McDonald's." Arwen said.

"Yeah I do. But Taco Bell's not too bad. And it isn't filled with screaming children jumping around wanting Happy Meals or play in the ball pit." Clay observed. "Here's good for a little down time. Then I thought we could just take a walk or something. I don't think I have enough for a movie unless it's in the budget theatre."

"Relax. Walking's fine. Central Park's really pretty at night."

They made small talk until they finished their dinner. Clay took her hand as they strolled through Central Park. They passed a lot of other people taking advantage of a green haven in the middle of the city. A few other couples passed but each were lost in their own little worlds. Eventually they came to the Bethesda Fountain and sat down. Few people passed by here and it was romantic with the mood lighting of the fountain and the sound of the trickling water.

"This is nice." Clay commented as he looked around him. "Good ambiance. Nice dinner. Great company."

"Oh yeah. The company's really the best. Couldn't ask for more." Arwen agreed with him. Somewhere on the path far behind them they could hear the clip-clop of a horse and the rolling of wheels over stone. Clay began to struggle to think of witty topics and things to say. Things that had nothing to do with school or the weather.

"Um..." he fumbled over his words again. "You know, a couple of years ago, I had a pet goat." Arwen looked incredulous and was about to laugh. "No, don't laugh. Her name was Zoe. I had her on a leash and brought her around everywhere I went. People used to look at me like 'Clayton had a little goat, it's fleece was white as snow, and everywhere that Clayton went the goat was sure to go'." He laughed. "Did you ever have a pet?"

"Yeah I did. I had, or rather my mother had, a pet cat. Well he was a kitten when I was growing up and he grew up along with me. We called him Jareth cos my mother was crazy over David Bowie back then." Arwen related the story to Clay. "Yeah. And he grew up and he was like crazy spoilt. Lucky he wasn't white and fluffy else we might've renamed him Mr Tibbles or something. But...he's gone on to happy cat heaven now. Not that he wasn't probably in cat heaven before, the way we all indulged him. He tried to chase a bird or something and did a Superman out of the apartment. Yeah so, bye-bye Jareth. Cats don't generally land on their feet after a 20 storey fall."

"I'm sorry." Clay said, although inside he wasn't feeling at all sorry for a spoilt cat. He didn't do too well with cats.

"It's ok. He was old by then anyway. Pretty stupid too, jumping out the window like he's Supercat." Arwen brushed off the news as she laughed. "What happened to your Zoe?"

"No idea." Clay said. "One day she was there and the next she had disappeared. Although I had the sneaky feeling that my mother finally had enough and chopped her up for soup."

"Oh man! Please say you didn't eat your own pet."

"Of course I didn't eat it! I threw up when my mom told me the mystery meat was goat meat." Clay winced at the memory. It was a strange conversation but a perfect ice breaker and soon they were talking just as easily as when they were in school. Clay told her about his family and she told him about hers. She was the only child and her father was Asian while her mother was Caucasian, which explained her blue eyes. They talked about music and gossiped about their teachers and fellow classmates in school.

"You know Clay, you should wear contacts more often. Brings out your eyes." Arwen said on their walk home.

"Nah. I can't get used to sticking bits of plastic into my eyes. This here's me dressing up and trying to impress the girl. I don't do that every day you know." Clay replied with a laugh.

Arwen laughed along with him. "Well, I should be proud you gave me that privilege then. But you did a good job with impressing the girl." She winked at him. "In fact, you may have just earned yourself another date."

"Really?" Clay asked. Arwen just smiled in reply.

The night ended far too quickly and before they knew it, Clay had already walked Arwen back to her hostel room. She took out her keys and played with it for a while. "I had a really great time tonight Clay. Thanks so much."

"Thank you." Clay replied. "You know, we should do this more often. In fact, we should mark this as our special date. Our Anniversary. What'd you say?"

"I think that'll be pretty cool." Arwen replied, happiness written all over her face. "Our Anniversary." She played with those syllables in her mouth.

"Well...good night then." Clay said awkwardly. He wanted to kiss her again but it felt strange to be kissing her right at this moment. Luckily, Arwen took the lead this time and kissed him on the lips, a good sound kiss. Then, blushing, she unlocked her door and went into her room leaving Clay to stand speechless in the hallway.

---

7.
"No, no and for the third time no!" Mr Zachery proclaimed. "That is not the sound I'm looking for. Mr Aiken, please inform Miss Chua what it is she is doing wrong."

Clay hesitated, glancing at Arwen before he reluctantly answered. "The sound is...airy."

"Airy! Of all the adjectives in the English and Italian and German vocabulary that could be used to describe the sound, Mr Aiken here chooses 'airy'. I'll accept that cos I'm not your music theory teacher. So. The sound she produces is airy. What can be done to rectify the situation?"

"Support. Try to move the placement forward with a lighter sound, not as anchored as she...you are doing." Again he glanced at Arwen, trying to see how she was reacting. He hoped she knew he wasn't picking on her like their teacher was.

"And?" Mr Zachery looked expectantly at Clay.

"And...breathe deeper?" Clay was confused. He didn't know what else to say.

"Practicing outside of class time. Wake up people! This isn't karaoke Miss Chua." Mr Zachery was on a roll and he went on and on. Arwen was left standing where he had left her after her horrible vocal exercise. She had hit a new low in school and Mr Zachery had hit a new high with his scathing comments. Clay was hurting to watch her hurt. She looked like she was going to cry and he had never seen her cry before. He had never seen any girl, except his mother, cry before. She didn't say anything but just endured the tirade she was getting. "This is music school people! If you can't be on top of your game then don't be in the game." He turned to Arwen and opened his mouth to address her directly but just as he was going to speak, the bell rang. "Saved by the bell. Class dismissed." He strode to the front of the room.

Clay immediately went to Arwen's side. She looked like she was in shock. He stroked her hair as he made her sit down. "You're gonna be ok babe. You're just having a bad day. Don't let it get to you."

"Miss Chua you're not off the hook yet. I'd like to see you in my office now." Mr Zachery called from his front desk. "Mr Aiken, you're gonna be late for your class." He followed Clay's progress out of the classroom with his eyes. Arwen came up to his desk. He took hold of her upper arm and steered her into his office. "Ok. So I want to know what happened to the spunky, vivacious, music loving girl you led us to believe you are."

"Excuse me?" Arwen asked. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"You heard me." Mr Zachery sat back in his chair and waited for her response. "I was part of the panel which oversaw your admission and what we saw in processing you was very very different from what we see now." He took a cd from a drawer and popped it into a player. Scenes of her audition began playing. It was almost like watching a completely different person. In the video she was spunky and alive. She played the piano like an angel and the way she answered the interview questions, one couldn't help but fall in love with her and like her. "See. That was what we thought you were. That was what we signed up for. The reason why you're standing here, given a second chance. If I didn't know you, I would've thought that wasn't you." Arwen still didn't respond. She didn't even look at the screen or at him but looked away, trying to stare at the corner edge of the table. "You act like you've lost your passion. That spark that made you a brilliant musician and a wonderful human being. You know this place is selective. We gave you a second chance after you turned down your first but you don't seem to be taking it seriously. Is there something wrong? Anything you'd like to talk about? Something I can do to help?"

"No. There's nothing...wrong. It's ok. There's nothing." Arwen stammered. Tears were flowing down her cheeks now.

"You're gonna have to work a lot harder from now on. You're risking your place here at Brighton-Hill. We don't take anything less than the best and you're fast losing it. I'm a teacher, not a shrink. If you're having problems, it really would help if you talked about it. I might be able to help; I might not, but at least, I can listen." Mr Zachery's voice was softer now, more mentor-like and less teacher-like. He passed her a box of tissues. "Arwen, I'm not picking on you cos I like to pick on you. You have a lot more potential, a lot more to give than the crap you're giving right now. I know that and you know that. It's tough love, what we do here. We're training artists. A great artist has to take what's in their heads and hearts and put it into their music. That's the key. Trust me. Whatever you're going through now, harvest and channel it into your creativity. I've been your age once, a long time ago. I understand you young people..."

"No! You don't understand anything. You're not me. You can't possibly know what I'm going through and you don't even try." Arwen exploded. "If you did, you would know to leave me alone!" and she ran from the room.

She ran out in a blind flurry and didn't see Clay waiting for her outside the classroom. "Woah! Hey! Arwen wait for me!" he called as he ran after her. He was taller, longer limbed, and so caught up with her sooner. Taking her hand to restrain her he asked, "What's wrong?"

"Just let me go Clay!" she cried.

"No I'm not going to. What did he say to you? He shouldn't have made you cry."

"This is crap ok Clay. I don't belong here. I should never have come back."

"What are you talking about? Of course you belong here. You're one of the best."

"I was, Clay. I'm not any more. I can't...be the person everyone thinks I am. I can't do it any more. I'm tired of all this."

"No. Come on, no. You're having a bad day is all."

"Bad day? Try bad week. Month. Year. It's all a series of bads Clay! It's not getting better." It was perfectly true. Of late, Arwen had began to be less and less interested in her studies and even skipped classes. Sometimes, she seemed in such a lousy mood that she didn't even want his company. Clay saw that she had things on her mind that she didn't share with him. It was like she was retreating into her shell. Clay had thought that it was just stress. He didn't know how deep the problem ran. She was sobbing hard. "You should go Clay. Don't stay around broken people. Leave when you have the chance."

"I could but I'm not. You hear? I'm here for you. I want to help you." Clay tried to console her to no avail. She was still hysterically crying and Clay couldn't control her. Suddenly she began hyperventilating and wheezing. Clay felt her left hand begin seizing. Her eyes opened wide in a panic.

"Clay, I can't breathe." she gasped fearfully.

"You'll be ok. You'll be ok. Someone get help!" He tried to reassure her, to try to calm her down.

"Clay, help me."

"I'm trying. Just try to breathe. Slowly. Deep even breaths." Clay tried to recall his first aid instructions but in the face of an actual event he began freaking out. Arwen tried to follow his instructions but eventually she collapsed in his arms. A large group of students gathered around them to watch the drama. "Stop staring and go get help!" Clay yelled at the crowd of curious onlookers.

"What happened?" Mr Zachery came running up as someone had alerted him to the situation.

"She said she couldn't breathe and then she fainted!" Clay reported. Arwen looked so pale and Clay was becoming very frightened.

"Hospital. Now. Come on, help me." Mr Zachery ordered. "Nothing to see here. Get out of the way!" Together he and Clay brought Arwen to his car and he sped out of the parking lots towards the hospital closest to the school.


"You have a brother?" Clay asked uncertainly. He had not expected to see such a sudden disappearance of sunshine from Arwen's mood. He'd thought that she said she was an only child. Her use of the past tense too indicated something terribly wrong.

Arwen sat on her bed and motioned Clay to sit beside her. When he did so, she leaned her body on his and said softly, "Clay, I'm going to tell you something but you mustn't tell anyone. Not even Mr Zachery."

Clay nodded. "You can trust me babe."

"Ok." she whispered. Her hands felt clammy with nervousness. "I had an older brother. Issac. Last year we were close to my boyfriend and we used to hang out a lot. Well, my boyfriend, well you see, Mark hangs out with what you might call a 'fast crowd'. And one night, we were out partying. Issac came along. He always did. He felt like he had to protect me but I used to argue with him. I said that Mom told him to come and chaperone me. Probably it was true but it didn't really matter. He didn't act like a big brother when we were dating. He did his own thing and just kept an eye out. So one night, the three of us went to this party, one of Mark's friends organised some kind of gathering. I don't even remember what it was for now. Anyway, we got kind of drunk. Really drunk. And Issac was...well, he wasn't really drunk. He only had one or two I think. So he drove us home. On the way back, some crazy driver ran the red light and smashed right into us..."

Arwen began to tremble and sob as her voice trailed away. Clay was shocked to hear what she was telling him. He could do nothing but hold her as she slowly dissolved into tears. "I woke up a week later in the hospital. Mom said that...that...Mark and...Issac...they didn't make it. They didn't make it but I did..."

"It wasn't your fault Arwen." Clay tried to console her. "You did all you could to get home safe. Issac did what he could. Some other driver hit you. There was no way you could control that."

She was still sobbing and it was hard for Clay to make out what she was saying. "It's all my fault! If I...Mark asked me to go to the party. I wasn't planning on it. But Mark...and I said yes. So Issac had to come. If I'd said no, none of them would have gone out that night. None of them would've...have..."

"It was bad timing baby." Clay said soothingly. He slowly stood and went to the en-suite bathroom to get her a glass of water. "You're not to blame for it."

"I should have died with them." Arwen cried, ignoring the glass he placed in her hands. "I got away with only fractures and stuff like that. I...I miss them so much Clay. Issac died on the spot but Mark lingered and...he died in February. I killed both of them. Oh god!"

Clay couldn't empathise with her. As much as he wanted to, there was no way he could understand what she was going through. Arwen was the survivor where everyone else had perished. It was survivor's guilt as much as anything that she was going through. Her mind kept replaying that awful night and she was trapped in that vicious cycle. Every time she tried to enjoy herself, she remembered that night and felt that she had no right to be happy when she thought had played a part in causing the deaths of her brother and her boyfriend.

"I...something in me died with them that night." Arwen went on. "Music used to be my life. But after their deaths, I couldn't bear to listen to any music anymore. It hurt too much. It was like...there was no meaning in anything anymore. My favourite songs were just empty. I stopped singing and playing my piano. I turned down the offer from the Conservatory. It was as if I turned into a totally different person. You didn't know me before so I don't think you'd know what I'm talking about."

"Your hand...?"

"A lot of bones got broken in the accident. My hand...Medically it's fine now, the doctors think it's a psychological thing, you know. It locks up when I...I don't know the trigger. It just locks up." Arwen trailed off.

Clay tried to keep her talking. He wanted to know her thoughts. "What made you come back to music school?"

"My Mom. A few months ago. She got sick of me moping around the house. She loves music and I guess she wasn't going to let me give it up without a fight. We had a huge fight before I started lessons here. I didn't want to go. I didn't think I was ready. Mom thought I was being a baby and made me. She somehow managed to get the board to review my application based on my last audition tape. Mr Zachery told me that. He knew that I had changed. But they gave me a second chance. So, Mom won and I psyched myself to remember that I love music. That my dream was to go to Brighton-Hill and be a famous musician, to make music for people and make them happy. No matter what I felt. It was what I could make the audience feel that mattered most."

Clay remembered with clarity the lecture Arwen had once given him regarding music and passion. Now in retrospect, knowing what she had been through made him realise that she was trying to make her words a self-fulfilling prophecy. She needed to believe what she was saying and to rediscover her passion. It wasn't that she was lecturing him that day, more that she was lecturing herself - another opportunity to reinforce her lesson to herself.

"I was ready to drop out of music school after a few token lessons. I didn't care anymore about it. Watching that ridiculous orientation video made me realise that being in the Conservatory, it just wasn't what I wanted anymore."

"What did you want then?"

"I wanted...I wanted Issac and Mark back with me." The tears were beginning to fall again and she clutched Clay tightly as though he was her life jacket in rough seas. "I wanted to feel happy again, that life had some kind of meaning again."

"But you didn't drop out of music school. You stuck with it for so long. Why?"

"I met you."

Clay's jaw dropped again. All this time he had been thinking that he was the one chasing a dream when he tried to date her. It finally hit him that the feeling was mutual. She was attracted to him just as much as he was to her. But she was hurting and Clay didn't like seeing her hurt. "Babe, thank you for staying for me. I...you don't know how much that means to me. But, I don't want you to stay in a situation that you don't want to be in. I don't want you to have to force yourself for my sake."

Arwen's response was immediate. "Clay, no! Don't let me go. Not now. If you let go now, I don't know what I'd do. I...I think I might lose everything that I've gained so far and...I am finding the music again. I really am. This is just a really rough time right now. I need you."

Clay was unsure about it but he would not let her down when she had just poured her heart out to him. "I'm here. And like I said, I'm not going anywhere unless you want me to go."

"Thank you." Arwen said softly. "Gonzo, make me smile again."

Clay smiled crookedly and leant in to kiss her again. He kissed her tenderly and lovingly and felt her respond to him. Clay made the first move, brushing her lips gently with his tongue. She responded immediately, parting her lips to allow him to enter her. The kiss deepened and they both fell back onto Arwen's bed, unable to support themselves in the intensity of the emotion. Somewhere in the house a grandfather clock chimed to signal the time but for them, they didn't notice anything, so wrapped up in their own little world they were.

When they finally broke apart, they didn't move from the bed but just lay down side by side. Arwen snuggled up to Clay and Clay held her. Her body was so relaxed. "I could stay like this forever." Arwen said.

"I know." Clay whispered breathily. "This is just so perfect. So beautiful."

"Gonzo?" Arwen asked. "Do you love me?"

Clay inclined his head to whisper into her ear. "I think I just might."

Arwen giggled. "I think I love you too."

"That's nice." Clay replied, feeling sleepiness coming over him. Arwen's bed was just so comfy and it was so nice having her by his side like this. Abruptly however, Clay remembered that they might not be alone in the house. "Babe, will your Mom be mad if she found us?"

"Mom won't be home till late." Arwen answered, her voice suggesting that she was now half asleep. "And she won't be mad. She'll be glad I found a guy that I like."

A guy that she likes. Clay ran that line through his brain once more to imprint it there more firmly. To think that just a few weeks before this, he was afraid that she would reject him on account of his nerdiness and social awkwardness. Never did he imagine that his dreams would come true like this. "Love you Arwen. I'm so glad I found you."

---

9.
Arwen woke up to find soft warm arms encircling her. She smiled to remember that it was Clay, that he had kissed her so soundly and deeply and later they had fallen asleep together and shared dreams. For she was sure that they were in each other's dream. Carefully, Arwen disentangled Clay's arms from her body. He was still soundly asleep. A quick glance at the clock indicated that it was only two hours since they had arrived at her home. She felt refreshed, as though some heavy burden had disappeared from her mind during her sleep. Her stomach growled hungrily, reminding her that she had not eaten since breakfast. And, if memory served her right, neither had Clay. Arwen wasn't sure if she should wake him. He looked so peaceful when he was asleep. Now he was hugging his own body as he slept, a posture that was so endearing in her eyes. Arwen laid back down next to him, leaning on her side. She very lightly traced the contours of his face with her finger, following the slopes and rises of his cheeks, his mouth, his jaw. In the dim light of her room, she could not see the freckles which usually formed little constellations on his face. He looked almost perfect in every way. It was so sweet to wake up to find him next to her, a strange, unexpected, though not altogether unwelcome, Prince Charming in the flesh.

"Did you see something you like Babe?" Clay suddenly asked, his eyes still closed.

Arwen jumped. "Are you awake Gonzo?" she asked, not too sure if he was sleep talking.

"Yeah." he replied, slowly opening his eyes. Green eyes met with blue eyes as he proved that he was awake. "Hi. Are you feeling better?" Concern crossed over his eyes.

"Yeah. I feel much better, surprisingly." Arwen replied, a little embarrassed. How long had he been awake and did he know when she was watching him sleep? Clay smiled at her discomfort. Arwen decided to change the subject. "Are you hungry? I can go cook something."

"Starving!" Clay declared as he sat up in bed. "I'm also freezing just a little. Why didn't you suggest that we slept under the covers instead of on them?"

"How would I know we would be falling asleep?" Arwen laughed. She took his hand and led him down to the kitchen. Like the rest of the house, the kitchen looked like something out of a movie set - all wood and stainless steel. Clay sat on a high leather stool at the island and watched Arwen rummage through the huge fridge. "I'm afraid we've only got fish. When Dad's out of town, Mom goes on a fish frenzy."

"Fish it is then." Clay agreed.

"Don't worry. I'll fry it so you can get your grease fix Gonzo." Arwen teased. Clay watched her smiling and laughing so easily, such a contrast to just a few hours before. He wasn't sure if he should be worried. Was there some kind of psychological condition pertaining to this? Something called bipolar disorder? He hoped Arwen didn't have that. It would be...well, 'strange' would be understatement. Not wanting to think about it, he reached over to where there was a cute old fashioned shaped radio sitting on the counter and switched it on. The first blast of music that came through it was sheer cacophony. One of the generic rap songs that made no sense except rage. Definitely not something Clay thought would be nice to listen to while cooking in the kitchen. He fiddled with the knobs, finally tuning in to a station that was playing a pop song by All-4-One. He looked up at Arwen and smiled, singing along to the song:

They read you Cinderella, you hoped it would come true
That one day your Prince Charming would come rescue you
You like romantic movies and you never will forget
The way it felt when Romeo kissed Juliet
All this time that you've been waiting, you don't have to wait no more

I can love you like that, I would make you my world
Move heaven and earth, if you were my girl
I would give you my heart, be all that you need
Show you you're everything that's precious to me
If you give me a chance, I can love you like that.

Clay was glad to see that Arwen was paying attention to him singing the song. It meant a lot to him and it seemed like such a lucky coincidence that the song that happened to be playing on the radio was one that encompassed the kinds of words he would love to say to her but he didn't know how to say. So he would sing it to her instead.

I never make a promise I don't intend to keep
So when I say forever, forever's what I mean
Well I'm no Casanova, but I swear this much is true
I'll be holding nothing back when it comes to you
You dream of love that's everlasting
Well baby, open up your eyes

I can love you like that, I would make you my world
Move heaven and earth, if you were my girl
I would give you my heart, be all that you need
Show you you're everything that's precious to me
If you give me a chance, I can love you like that.

Arwen's eyes were glowing when Clay finished singing and the song changed. In a movie, there would probably be lightning sparks flying from them and entering his own eyes. "That was beautiful Clay." she said. "You have such a beautiful voice." Clay went over to stand with her by the stove. He saw the flames reflected in her eyes, a sight that was so unique and wonderful. He hoped that she felt the same way in her heart. He wrapped his arms round her waist, careful not to distract her when she was frying with hot oil. "Keep singing to me Clay. I love it when you do that." she told him, turning her head to give him a quick kiss. Clay obliged, crooning song after song into her ear, occasionally swaying his hips in time to the music. The two of them fell into an easy rhythm together. He singing and she cooking, sometimes singing duet with him.

They ate their supper in the family room. It was dark now and the stars had come out over the city, specks of light in the sky reflecting the specks of light on the earth. They had not switched on the chandelier, opting instead for the more romantic option of tealights, letting the light from outside mingle with the shadows in the house. They watched the stars as they ate. Arwen's brother was an avid star gazer and his passion had lightly infected his sister too. Arwen had Clay look out the astronomy telescope set up in the family room and showed him her favourite constellations that were etched in the sky. Draco, that dragon constellation, shone brightly in the night sky. Clay had watched the movie Dragonheart and knew a little about this heavenly body.

"We should make a wish." Clay suggested. "See how brightly that star is shining on the dragon's head."

Arwen looked thrilled that he had made the suggestion, as though she wanted to say it but was afraid of looking stupid. "Yes! We should." she agreed eagerly. She clasped her hands together, bowed her head and closed her eyes, a little smile playing on her lips. Clay watched her closely. She looked so earnest in her wishing, like a little girl making a wish over her birthday candles.

Are stars the birthday candles for grown ups? Clay wondered. That's her star and I hope that her wish will come true. Lord, let her find what she's looking for. Let her dreams come true. Let her be happy.

A neighbour was practicing the flute. Soft strains of music floated up and formed a perfect accompaniment to the setting. Clay recognised the song - 'An English Country Garden' - such sweet and pastoral interpretation. Whoever was playing the flute was a good musician. Clay felt like his dreams of a romantic date were coming true right before his eyes. He stood up and offered his hand to Arwen, "Dance with me?" he asked. She obliged and they held each other, swaying slowly in time with the music, dancing in their own way. It felt like something so natural that neither stopped to remember that they had only been together for a few short weeks. Time was nothing to them. It was just a number with no meaning in the universe which just contained two people in love.


http://youtube.com/watch?v=JEpg7bmNL8Y

---

10.
The rest of the semester passed by so quickly. Every second of time was spent practicing for the performances to be held on the last day. Teachers were getting jumpy and students were feeling the pressure to perform up to par as well. It wasn't difficult though, for these students were already among the best and were used to treating each performance as important and worthy of importance. Clay would be singing a solo in the Haydn Imperial Mass. Mr Zachery had handed out the solo pieces two weeks before and had declared that Clay was one of the most improved students in the class, therefore he deserved to sing that solo. Clay was bursting with pride at this achievement and worked harder than ever, to make sure he lived up to Mr Zachery's and his own expectations. Arwen was pleased at him and spent a lot of time with him at his request, to ensure that every note was perfect. Arwen too was working hard, having cast off the shadow of her past. She was going to perform on piano for the first time since the accident. The piece she chose was Mozart's 12 Variations 'Ah, Vous dirai-je, Maman', also known as Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. Clay laughed when she told the title to him. He thought she wasn't being serious. Of all the good classical pieces in the world, the great Mozart worked on Twinkle Twinkle Little Star? It seemed incredulous to him and he didn't believe it was real until she showed him the intimidating looking score.

Since it was almost impossible to get available practice rooms unless one camped outside the room of one's choice, Clay asked Arwen if he could practice at her house. They may unofficially be a couple, but he didn't want to take things for granted with her. She had a beautiful grand piano and Clay's powerful voice wouldn't be disturbing anyone at her house, so he would be able to practice in peace.  He'd already had more than enough run-ins with irate neighbours in his hostel about how loud he was singing, interrupting their own practicing. Arwen was more than willing to oblige. She even helped him by playing the piano part of the Imperial Mass for him while he rehearsed. She was in the chorus for this piece and wasn't too fussed up about it. She worked on her 12 Variations and Clay often gave her his comments regarding the feel of the piece. Her technicalities were flawless but she was only just recovering her passion and often lacked feeling and emotion in the delivery of her music.

They also worked together on the joint entry they would be performing. It was to be a duet, an in-house orchestra would be providing the backing music. Clay was more nervous about this than anything. He had never performed anything he had written and here he was, writing the bulk of the lyrics for this song. He hoped it wasn't too cheesy and Disney-ish for the audience. Arwen's written music was a huge improvement from his original composition. She'd put a lot of work and talent into making this piece - originally his idea - work.

At long last, the final day of term dawned. It was a beautiful day, sunny and fresh. The Conservatory campus was buzzing with activity. Students were preparing for their final performances and also ushering their parents who had come to watch the performances. Clay was watching carefully, trying to spot his mother and his brother who had promised to come. He yelled and waved frantically when he saw them, running down the steps to give them both a huge hug of welcome. He had missed them during the summer. It was the longest he had ever been away from home.

"Clayton, you're looking in fine form." his mother commented as Clay chattered on, telling about all the things that happened in the music school.

"I'm feeling great! Nervous, but great." Clay replied. "You should hear us sing Mom. I got a solo part in Haydn and it's just the coolest thing ever."

He passed by a little alcove as he led his family through the building to the performance hall. "Clay." Arwen tugged at his hand as he passed. "I'd like you to meet my Mom." She looked pretty and chic today, dressed in a sleeveless turquoise print dress with white boots. Her mother was similarly well dressed and looked distinguished.

"Hi! I'm Clay." he offered his hand to Mrs Chua who shook it warmly.

"I know. Arwen's told me a lot about you. I'm glad to finally meet you and put a face to the name." Arwen's mother smiled a lot while she talked and Clay saw immediately where Arwen got her smile from.

"Arwen, this is my Mom. Faye Parker. And my little brother Brett." Clay proudly introduced. Arwen was also warmly greeted by Clay's family and the two families chatted together for a while before Clay and Arwen excused themselves to go get ready for their performances.

"Hope Mom didn't overwhelm you. She gets a little excited when she talks to people." Clay apologised as they waited backstage. The director of the Conservatory was already making his opening address to the packed hall, congratulating students for making it through the summer programme and thanking parents for entrusting the Conservatory with the training and grooming their children's talent. Clay took hold of Arwen's hand. The choir was to perform first. "I'm so nervous ABC." he whispered to her.

"Don't worry. You'll do fine. Just look at your Mom and brother and relax." Arwen advised.

"Noooo... I can't look at Mom. I'll go to pieces if I look at Mom." Clay whined. Arwen suppressed a giggle. He sounded so much like a little boy whining.

"Okay. Picture the audience naked then."

"Be serious!"

"I am serious. Relax Gonzo. You'll be fine."

"Can I have a kiss?"

"Yes you may. A kiss for luck." Arwen kissed him quickly on the lips and gave him a hug. "Break a leg Gonzo." The choir was now forming up and getting ready to go onstage. Clay walked to his place, butterflies fluttering in his stomach. The stage curtains rose and the introduction began playing on the piano. Clay took a deep breath and Mr Zachery signalled the choir to begin singing. Soon, there was nothing but the singing and Clay forgot to be nervous, caught up as he was in the beauty of the music. When it was his turn to sing, he sang just as though he was back in the practice room and not at all on a stage in front of hundreds of people. He just sang. He nailed the piece and Mr Zachery gave him a quick smile after his solo was done.

The performances rolled on and on. Soon Arwen got up to play her piece. Clay stood in the wings and watched her with abated breath. He knew she would do fine but he wanted to watch anyway. The piece was perfect and the music washed over the audience so beautifully. Arwen had on the biggest relieved smile when she faced the audience for her bow at the end of her piece. To Clay, it was the look of utter joy. She had found her passion and she had just channelled that passion into the best performance she could give. He was waiting with a huge hug for her when she came backstage.

Finally, it was time for their duet, the last performance for the concert. Clay was even more nervous about this than he was previously but he was on a high and so didn't feel so nervous. At that moment, he felt full of happiness. He didn't really care that the audience might not like his song. He loved it and Arwen loved it and that was enough for him. He took Arwen's hand as they walked out together holding their microphones. The introduction began playing and Arwen started off the song:

Come a little closer, turn another page
in the story of what's waiting for you
Step into the wonder of everything you've pictured,
as it comes into view

Just like we dreamed it!

Once upon a time, used to be long long ago ...
Used to be far far away
Look how far we've come today
Once upon a time is suddenly right here and now ...
Right before our eyes
This happy ending's just beginning and much to my surprise

It's just like we dreamed it
As far as I can see it's just like we dreamed it
As good as good can be
And I know it's so much better
'Cause we dreamed it up together
Just like we dreamed it, to life!
Magically...

Clay was watching the audience. It was a success. They loved it and many were bopping their heads in time to the rhythm. He was so excited and the feeling of utter exhilaration flowed over him. This was the culmination of a summer of hard work in music school and what a wonderful experience it was. He let himself go, allowing himself to enjoy the moment, singing his heart out. He took Arwen's hand again, dancing with her in step with the music as they sang on joyfully.

Happily ever now, I'll know how far dreams can go
Nothin's too far far away
'Cause we've got faith that makes our day
In my heart I know anything's possible here...
Anything at all
Whatever we believe it happens, no matter big or small
 
It's just like we dreamed it
As far as I can see it's just like we dreamed it
As good as good can be
And I know it's so much better
'Cause we dreamed it up together
Just like we dreamed it, to life!
Magically...

I've imagined being here like this so many times before
Reaching out to take your hand as the butterflies in me soar
Dancing with you under the Sun and underneath every star
We've made a wish and believed and believed ...
And voilà! Here we are!

It's just like we dreamed it
As far as I can see it's just like we dreamed it
As good as good can be
And I know it's so much better
'Cause we dreamed it up together
Just like we dreamed it, to life
Magically!
 
It's just like we dreamed it!


Just like we Dreamed it: http://youtube.com/watch?v=I18p4Kqehao
Mozart's Twinkle Twinkle Little Star: http://youtube.com/watch?v=qGln8LFA8Qw

---

Epilogue
As if on cue, balloons burst from the ceiling as their final note reverberated through the hall. The audience rose to their feet as one. It was the perfect ending to the concert and the hall echoed with applause. Each and every student had performed their best and it was a great concert.

Someone else won the scholarship to study at Carnegie college. A flutist who performed a pretty little composition that had enchanted the audience and performed it in such a way that showed taste and talent. Clay and Arwen's song received honourable mention. Later, Mr Zachery told them that their song had commercial appeal but it wasn't quite what they were looking for. However, he commended their effort and said that he enjoyed their song very much and that it had been a pleasure teaching them.

Now that summer music school drew to a close, Clay was satisfied with what he had done in the past twelve weeks. He came to New York an awkward nerd, unsure of himself, unsure if he could survive in the Conservatory where only the best were selected to study. He had done it and was a success. He loved a great girl, sang solo in the choir, composed a terrific song. As Clay and Arwen went backstage after the concert, tears of joy were rolling down their faces and they laughed at each other's crying. They were so happy that they were shrieking together and jumping about with wild abandon. They didn't care what happened now. Like the song said, it was everything they had dreamed come to life magically before their eyes. Exactly like they dreamed it.