Dharma talk by Mr. Clayton Welwood at IBC on July 20, 2008

“GRATITUDE VS. CONSCIOUSNESS OF LACK”

Gratitude, simply defined, is being thankful, and expressing this thankfulness to others. Someone does something nice for us, and we feel grateful. We smile, say thank-you and perhaps return the favour. In a sense, it's very straightforward. But gratitude can also be much deeper, and can act as a guiding principle for us in our spiritual practice, and that's what I want to talk about today.

Cicero was a Roman philosopher who lived about 2100 years ago. This is what he had to say about gratitude: "Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others." (X2) I think Cicero was right, and I want to explain why. I'll start with the positive effects that gratitude can have on our lives.

One main aspect of this is showing appreciation for others; when people do something kind for us, we want to show that we're thankful. This is gratitude in the most basic sense, and it helps keep people on good terms with each other. But for gratitude to have a transformative effect, we need to go beyond this and feel gratitude for others being who they are. I learned this lesson as a teenager when I was involved with the Unitarian church. I participated in a weeklong leadership school for youth.

We learned about leadership skills, such as how to run a meeting or youth group, about Unitarian history and values, how to express our feelings and ideas

clearly and tactfully, how to plan a worship service, etc. We also learned how to express our appreciation of others, and we did it like this: At the end of the week, we had to write a note to each of the other participants, telling them why we thought they were wonderful--what qualities he or she had as a person

that we respected and appreciated. Of course, it was really nice to get a bag of 15 or 20 notes saying how great I was, but writing the notes for other people was a more uplifting experience in the end.

It prodded me to focus on the gifts other people bring, rather than just their distractions or weaknesses. When I participated in the school the following year, I remembered at the end that I would need to remark on the a good point of each participant's character, so it made me look harder at each person to see the

good in them, because it's easy to miss people's Buddha-nature if we aren't looking for it.

That's what appreciation of others is all about--seeing their Buddha-nature and acknowledging it. Never Disrepectful Boddhisattva was a great teacher of this principle. How much better would our relations with others be if we could honestly tell each person that we honour and accept who they are, that we could never disrespect them and we truly believe that they are always improving and will one day achieve the perfection of a Buddha. However, expressing our appreciation for others with the words that Never-Disrespectful did may not be appropriate in

this day and age, so we need to use skillful means.

For example, because it can be hard to give and accept a deep compliment in person, you can write it. For friends that are far away and that I haven't seen in a long time, I sometimes write emails or letters to them telling them why unique aspects of their character make me value our friendship. This of course

builds stronger relationships with others which benefit us in good times and in bad.

The other main transformative aspect of gratitude I want to talk about is appreciation for creation. Creation in this sense is a Christian term, and it basically means everything that God created, i.e. the world around us. Often it's used to talk about the beauty and bounty of nature. Christians have a practice of expressing gratitude for creation that I like very much. It's called "saying grace" and it's a prayer of thankfulness that people say before a meal. Catholics have a standard prayer for grace that states that they're grateful for the food and for God giving it to them.

Personally I like the Protestant way better. Usually they just make up the prayer off the top of their heads. They usually start by thanking god for the food, but may also state appreciation for something nice that happened that day or anything else they're feeling grateful for at that moment. This tradition of saying grace is important enough in North America that there's a holiday devoted to it. Does any one know which holiday that is?

In my family, the way we do Thanksgiving is that everyone at the table takes turns saying several things that they're thankful for. We're not Christian, so we don't thank god, but I think it's enough to just be thankful and express it somehow. So I might say I'm thankful for the hard work of all the farmers that produced the food, for my good health, for the fact that I grew up in circumstances affluent enough to have a 3 square meals a day, etc. I might even say thank you to the turkey that gave up its life so that we could all have this delicious meal.

As a group activity, this has been very powerful for me because hearing what my family members are thankful for reminds me that I'm also thankful for those things. And there's value in stating what you're thankful out loud and among others--somehow, it makes your sentiment more real.

Appreciation of creation happens at other times too. Sometimes we're filled with a feeling of awe when we see the power and beauty of nature. Places like Niagra Falls or the Grand Canyon can be breathtaking and make us stop and think about what genius could have created such a stunning work of art. We may even feel a sense of privilige at being able to witness such beauty. If we take that thought a step further, our gratitude may urge us to do something to protect these wonders of nature so that future generations can enjoy them. The Grand Canyon is in no great danger of disappearing soon, but we may have the same feeling when seeing a humpback whale or a thousand year old cedar tree. Here we can see some truth in Cicero's words of how gratitude is the wellspring of all other virtues. The key, as we Buddhists know, is perception.

Let me share a parable that illustrates a couple different perceptions on this topic. One day, an old man was planting mango trees by the side of the road. When his neighbour saw what he was doing, he said, "Do you think you will live long enough to taste the mangoes from those trees?"

"No, I doubt it," replied the old man. "Then why are you wasting your time?" asked the neighbour. The old man smiled and said, "All my life I have enjoyed eating mangoes from trees planted by others. This is my way of expressing my gratitude to the people who planted those trees."

The old man, focusing on what he'd received in his life, was dwelling in what we can call the consciousness of abundance--he was focusing his perception on what he had. The neighbor, however, focused on what the old man was giving up, his free time--we can call this the consciousness of lack. In other words, his perception was limited to the things in his life (and other people's lives) that are missing, rather than what exists.

The consciousness of lack is quite powerful, especially in today's society, so I want to talk about it for a bit. Part of the problem, I believe, is built into our brains as a survival strategy. Through natural selection, evolution has favoured individuals that always tried to accumulate more. The squirrels that saved a lot of nuts survived the long cold winters. However, the squirrel that thought, "Well, I've got 5 nuts, and I'm satisfied with that." didn't survive the long winters. The human brain is built to be restless, to always be scheming about ways to prepare for the future and to be better off than others. So you can see how focusing on what you don't have fits into this.

Another factor that contributes to the consciousness of lack is other people telling us what we need and should want. And through all the sophisticated methods of advertising, they've gotten quite effective at getting their message across. Everywhere we turn, we see images of perfection that play on feelings of envy, and are reminded of what we don't have. Being satisfied with what you

have, let alone grateful for it, is quite difficult in such an environment.

There are a couple other aspects of the consciousness of lack that I want to mention, and they can be seen as two sides of the same coin. One is a sense of unworthiness, and the other is a sense of entitlement. Feeling unworthy means that you don't think you deserve the kindness of others. In Japanese I believe it's common to refuse compliments with some kind of statement of unworthiness. And of course, being humble and modest is a good thing, but if such statements

come from a genuine sense of unworthiness, this can be a problem. If you can't truly accept the good things that are offered to you, how can you be grateful for them?

The other side of the coin is a sense of entitlement. This may be more familiar to Westerners, especially North Americans like me. It's the idea that the world owes you a living and you're entitled to all the best things in life. This is more than just feeling worthy (which is generally a good thing); It means you think you deserve all the good things you get, and expect to get everything you want. It's

basically the opposite of gratitude, and can be really problematic because of course, we don't get everything we desire, and can end up quite disappointed if we felt we deserved all those things. This kind of perspective easily leads to frustration and anger.

Let's say a young man goes to university. He expects his parents to pay for it and they do. He gets good grades and expects to have an exciting career in oil drilling. But by the time he graduates, all the oil is gone, and he can't get a job. He feels resentful against the world because feels a university education entitles

him to a job. He claims he's been cheated, and gets angry at his parents, his professors and the people who interviewed him.

Dean Clemmer, of the Samaritan Counselling Center, has written an article called "Gratitude: An Antidote to Entitlement" In it, he says:

A life stance of entitlement sets us up to live in an emotional atmosphere of anger and resentment. However, there is a way out of this prison, an antidote to the infection and addictiveness of entitlement. It is the practice of gratitude...being grateful for the privilege of tasting life in all its sweetness and bitterness, its joys and sorrows. Whereas entitlement begins and ends with the self and its concerns, the practice of gratitude leads outward from the self to other people and the world and ultimately to the mystery of creation and the miracle of grace. This quote makes it clear that gratitude can help us keep our sense of entitlement in check.

But what about our sense of unworthiness? Gratitude can help here too. If a fundamental part of the practice of gratitude is seeing the buddha-nature in everyone, then to be consistent, we also need to see the buddha-nature in ourselves and recognize that we are worthy of the gifts others give us. Gratitude can help us walk a middle path between unworthiness and entitlement that will lead

us away from the consciousness of lack.

But if we are to truly practice gratitude, we need to know what we're walking towards, not just what we're walking away from. In other words, we need to ask ourselves, "What do I have to be thankful for?" I mentioned some things already, like friends, whales and mangoes. But there's much more. There are

2 fundamental principles of Buddhism that can guide us here: Impermanence and Interdependence. The fact that nothing is permanent can be summed up in the English proverb: All good things come to an end. So, we should be thankful for what we have, no matter how little it is, because sooner or later we're going to lose it. So enjoy it while it lasts. Maybe that's a depressing light to put it in, but it also applies to the bad times--they too will come to end, sooner or later.

So, things are always changing, and this leads us to the principle of interdependence. Another way to express this principle is to say that every event has many causes and many effects. The total web of cause and effect for all but the simplest of events is incredibly complex. If we take a partial view of this web, it can lead us to faulty conclusions. Taking the example of the university student again, he might understand his situation like this: "My parents told me to go

to university and study oil drilling, so I did. But people used up all the oil, so now there's no work for me." This view keeps him focused on blaming others and missed opportunities. But there are causes at work. Perhaps it was also partly his own decision to study oil drilling, so it isn't fair for him to put all the blame on his parents. The same goes for the effects: there must be some other benefits he got from going to university--making friends, mental skills, learning how to be more independent, etc. His job situation may not be as bad as he thinks either--maybe he can get a job drilling wells for water or geo-thermal energy. Or maybe he met his university roommate's father once, and he really liked him. And the father owns a space exploration company and is planning to drill for oil on distant planets and offers him a job.

The point is that the principle of interdependence tells us that events that seem insignificant at the time can turn out to have a big effect. In other words, we can never be 100 percent sure of where events in our lives will lead us, so we need to keep an open mind. I will explain how this is connected to gratitude in

a moment.

Sot'aesan, a Korean Buddhist monk who was instrumental in the Buddhist revival there in the early 20th century, also has something to say about how the web of interdependence connects with the idea of gratitude:

"All things that we see in the universe are nothing but Buddhas. Therefore, at all

times and in all places we must be very respectful and cautious toward all

things, keeping a pure mind and a pious manner as if we were before the real

Buddha." Nichiren also expressed the same idea in different words, "everything we have accomplished involves others." This is the first of the 4 debts of gratitude that appear in Nichiren's letter to Kudo Yoshitaka, a nobleman of the Kamakura period.

These 4 debts (or 4 graces, as Sot'aesan calls them) are thought to be taken from a little know sutra called the Mind Ground Sutra. I'll list the other 3 because they may help us gain a deeper understanding of the many things we have to be grateful for. He says the second debt is to our parents: they gave us life and the chance to improve our karma. Since any other person could be a parent in another life, this debt is an extension of the first. This one is all about seeing opportunities instead of obstacles. Nichiren tells us that we should be thankful for this life and especially thankful to our parents for bringing us into this world and raising us, because no matter how poor our circumstances, this life is a chance for us to improve ourselves and move closer to buddhahood. The cycle of birth and death provides us with various opportunities in numerous lifetimes so that we may one day become buddhas. It is the variety of experience (some of which we enjoy, some of which we don't) this impermanence affords that we should be thankful for.

Let's move on to the 3rd one. Sot'aesan calls it The Grace of Brethren.

He writes: "If one wants to know easily how one is indebted to the Grace of Brethren, one should consider whether it is possible to live at a place where there are no human beings, no birds and beasts, no trees or grass; then one will realize that life without them is impossible. If one cannot live without the help of these

brethren, without relying upon them and without their supplies, what Grace could

be greater?" This is the same kind of grace as when we say grace for before Thanksgiving dinner-- acknowledging the work of the farmer, the truck driver, the grocery store clerk, and all the other people that had a hand in providing me with something to eat so that I can do the things I need to do with food in my belly.

Nichiren extends this idea to the rulers of the land—those who keep law and order and make the trains run on time so that we can go on living. To them we should also be thankful. Nichiren explains that last of the 4 debts is to the 3 treasures: the Buddha, the Dharma and the Sangha. Again this comes back to the idea of being grateful for the opportunity to improve ourselves, and helping others do the same.

To close, I want to return to something Sot-aesan says: "All things that we see in the universe are nothing but Buddhas." In other words, everything is Buddha-nature, and so everything is as it should be. If that's the case, then we can and should be thankful for everything. Not an easy thing to do. However, if you can give thanks for just a few things every day, it can really do wonders for your state of mind. Melodie Beattie, an American self-help writer has something to say

about how thankfulness can lift our spirits:

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough and more... it can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend."

I like the use of the word "unlock" here because I think that feeling and expressing gratitude is very liberating. It broadens your horizons and opens up the possibility for more good things to come into your life. In contrast, focusing on what you lack is likely to make you feel tied down, maybe even trapped.

I want to give you one more quote that echoes Cicero's idea that gratitude is the parent of all other virtues. It's also a wonderfully concise guide to how thankfulness can be part of our spiritual practice. It's from Meister Eckhart, a German mystic of the middle ages. He says:

"If the only prayer you say in your life is thank you, that would be enough."