Presentation for

American Mothers Meeting

September 11, 2008


Opening –


My mission -


Marianne Williamson:

“We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.”


“The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their beliefs,” wrote William James.


Three powerful beliefs that can change your life:


1. BELIEF: I CAN CREATE POSITIVE CHANGE IN MY LIFE


2. BELIEF: I AM JOYFUL AND CONFIDENT


3. BELIEF: I BECOME MY IDEAL SELF BY ACTING “AS IF”


Let’s go back to the first belief – “I can…”

This begins with knowing how to control our thoughts.


WHY do women need to know how to control their thoughts? Because every word and action begins with a thought and because if you don’t, you’re like the woman who allows her thoughts to take her wherever they will – thinking in self-negatives and being pulled backwards into the damaging beliefs of the past… blaming, resenting, coveting - crippling herself emotionally.


On the other hand, successful women know how to direct their thoughts in positive ways. They see the good in their lives – and they deal with the bad stuff in healthy ways. They get past the past and focus on the future. Success begins with your own beliefs.


Within each one of us is a power we scarcely tap. This power has fueled heroic deeds since time began and has energized great inventors, artists and musicians throughout the ages. It’s the exact same power available to each of us - every day of our lives. It is the power of belief.


What is a belief? It is a sense of certainty about something. For example, if you believe you’re a good musician you think, “I feel certain that I’m a fine musician.” And that sense of certainty helps you produce beautiful music. On the other hand, a negative belief works the same way. If you say, “I’m a terrible singer” you’ll produce the results that validate your belief.


Marcus Aurelius “A man’s life is what his beliefs make of it.”


Dale Carnegie “Believe that you will succeed. Believe it firmly, and you will then do what is necessary to bring success about.”


Let’s take a look at people who believed in themselves and in their special contribution:


I want you to know that I believe in you. I believe in the capacity that all women have to do great and wonderful things in this life. And I spend much of my life helping women believe that – to believe that they have unique talents and gifts and that they CAN become their ideal selves – more joyful, confident, radiant, and wealthy than they ever imagined being. I want women to truly believe that they are daughters of God, with a light within that can shine brightly!


And I want to help women find their passion in life….to discover what they really love and then do it and share it with people all over the planet.

George Bernard Shaw: “This is the true joy in life, being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one, being a true force of Nature instead of a feverish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die. For the harder I work, the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no brief candle to me. It’s a sort of splendid torch which I’ve got to hold up for the moment and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.”


And it all begins with our beliefs.

The first step to becoming is to get yourself out of the way!

Michelle worked for a large company, and everyone had a cubicle. She despised her cubicle. She was envious each morning as she passed the offices with doors, occupied by executives behind large mahogany desks. Michelle wanted a promotion, but it was a wish, not a goal. A wish is a goal without the “do” and without the deadline.


One evening Michelle expressed his discontent to her husband. He quickly reminded her that she should be grateful for her job and be content. “Don’t make waves,” her husband counseled. “We’re fine the way things are. Don’t do anything that might put your job at risk!”


The next day Michelle repeated his words in her mind as she walked by the executive offices. And she thought, “He’s right. I’m not smart enough to get promoted, anyway.”


What if Michelle had taken another path in her mind? Instead of going down the low road of Negative Thought, she could be striding confidently along the high road of Positive Belief - which always leads to successful becoming.


You have a myriad of choices every moment…your mind will take you wherever you wish. The very first and most important thing you need to understand is your role in creating the results that are your life.


Admittedly, many people are weighed down with challenges that are absolutely no fault of their own. Children are abused, parents divorce...bad things happen to good people. But right now, as adults, we have choices regarding how we deal with our past and present circumstances. We can either point fingers, blame, withdraw, resent, or we can turn our faces to the future and focus on solutions. We can allow ourselves to be pulled backwards, or we can “take the best and discard the rest” from past experiences, and move forward. The choice is yours.

The Principle of CHOICE Makes Change Possible


I remember the very moment it happened…I was sitting on the front row of a seminar when the speaker quoted Eleanor Roosevelt. That great lady said, “No one can make me feel inferior without my consent.” I remember thinking, Wow! That means that we allow people to offend us...we allow people to make us angry. Our reaction to people and our circumstances is our choice! And then my mind took it a step further and I thought, That means that if we can allow people to make us angry, we can refuse to be offended, or angry…


Time actually seemed to stand still as I pondered, then understood, this incredible concept: We can respond to others and to our circumstances however we choose. And I realized that the time had come to take control of my life.


Soon afterwards I learned about Victor Frankl. Let me take you to the place where he learned this same priceless lesson:

The year is 1945...you are in Auschwitz, imprisoned in a concentration camp whose horror defies description.

Your entire family has been killed. You’re a Jewish psychiatrist named Viktor Frankl.

The guards have stripped you, beaten you, starved you and deprived you of sleep.

And yet, you live on....determined to somehow create meaning out of this horror.


As you are experiencing this hell on earth you come to an incredible understanding:


The guards can torture you, but you have the power to respond to them however you CHOOSE. They can beat you, but they can’t take away your will to live.

They can strip you, but you can clothe yourself with mental power beyond their reach.

They can starve you, but you can feast on your dreams of the future.


You see, Victor Frankl imagined himself at a university pulpit, teaching the future generation about the ultimate freedom - the freedom to choose how you respond to life.

He was passionate about living to tell his story so that never again would a human being be allowed to cause such suffering as he had endured.


Those prison guards couldn’t make Victor Frankl angry or discouraged. Think how our lives would change if we truly understood and applied this concept! We would no longer blame others. We wouldn’t say, “You make me angry!” because we’d understand that no one MAKES us angry; we can choose to be in control of our emotions. We wouldn’t blame people, our circumstances, the weather, etc. for anything. We wouldn’t say, “I can’t get up that early...I’m just not a morning person” because we’re any kind of a person we choose to be!


This is an incredibly important principle. This means that you and you alone own your thoughts, feelings, words, and actions. Is this difficult? Yes, because it’s easier when you can point to someone else while you’re saying, “It’s not my fault...he made me do it!” It’s my parent’s/husband’s/boss’s fault!” (Flip Wilson, years ago said, “The devil made me do it!”


Let’s talk about Marlene – she didn’t get it.


Marlene was furious at David, her husband. It was 7:30 at night and he still wasn’t home. She had made a lovely dinner and had prepared his favorite dessert. Marlene and both children had waited until 7:00 o’clock, but they finally gave up and ate without him. With each passing minute Marlene became more angry. She complained to the children about their father’s irresponsibility, and after dinner she impatiently paced the floor. When David finally arrived, Marlene exploded with a flood of accusations and belittling remarks.


Was Marlene’s behavior justified? Maybe David had promised to be home at 6:00 pm and this was the fourteenth time he was late. Maybe it was the first time - that doesn’t matter. The question is, should David’s behavior determine Marlene’s reaction?


If Marlene understood that we are responsible for our emotions, regardless of the words or actions of others… perhaps she would have taught her children a far different lesson that night. This is how the evening should have been:


Marlene thought, Darn...David is late again. I wonder what happened. I hope this dessert will taste as good when he gets home. “Well, kids,” she remarked cheerfully, “It looks like Dad won’t be here for dinner, but look how delicious this looks....hop up to the table and let’s eat.” Instead of focusing on David and the possible reasons for why he wasn’t there, Marlene focused on the children. She asked each one about what they learned at school that day, she shared her experiences of the day, and she genuinely enjoyed the meal. After dinner Marlene read stories to the kids.


Does understanding this principle mean that we never get upset when things go wrong? Of course not. The difference is that we don’t blame others for our reactions. We learn how to control our emotions and we wait until an appropriate time to discuss the problem. And when the time does comes to talk about it we communicate in a way that doesn’t create more problems.

As you listened to that example, you may have thought, You don’t understand! I have some real challenges in my life. And there are genuine toxic personalities I have to deal with on a daily basis! It’s really NOT my fault that my life is the way it is.”


OK, let’s go there.


First let me console you by saying that it is at the very core of human nature to blame other people. It’s like survival of the fittest - self-preservation - to try to escape accountability. You don’t want to be responsible, because if you are....you’re accountable.


It’s far more difficult to accept accountability for your life. But once you “get it” and grab hold - taking control and the responsibility for the results in your life - you’ll begin to achieve as you’ve never achieved before.

Let’s talk about our self-beliefs.

We each carry with us mental pictures of ourselves; our self beliefs. These beliefs may be unclear to our conscious mind, but they are there, down to the last detail. They’re our ideas about who we are, formed from past experiences, successes and failures, embarrassing moments, and the way people have treated us, especially during childhood. From all these experiences we mentally create a picture of ourselves. Once a belief goes into this picture it becomes fact to us and we don’t question its validity, but act upon it as if it were true.

Your self beliefs form the foundation for your personality and your behavior. Therefore, these self beliefs are the key to change because your actions are always consistent with your beliefs and your beliefs can be changed.


Because this is true, when we believe we’re successful we usually are – when we believe we’ll fail we find ways to validate that belief.

How about the child who’s told she’s no good in math? Parents say things like, “None of our family is good in math. We just don’t understand it!” Other parents make similar comments about music or athletics.


Did anyone ever tell you that you weren’t a good singer, or that you were clumsy? Most adults can easily remember stinging comments like these.


If you ever heard a negative comment about your abilities when you were growing up, raise your hand.


Children who hear such remarks, day after day, soon come to believe them. They create self-talk that’s negative.“I’m just no good in math...none of my family is.” Or, “I could never make the team, so I just won’t try out.” Or, “Since I can’t sing, I shouldn’t take chorus and I’d make a fool of myself if I tried out for the school musical.” Then, sure enough, they don’t excel in those areas, but they don’t ever think that the trouble may lie in their core beliefs about themselves – and those beliefs could be wrong!


And the saddest fact is - we sometimes carry these negative beliefs throughout our lives! We develop limiting beliefs about who we are and what we’re capable of from our earliest years and based on past failures, we believe we’ll fail in the future. But the wonderful news is - the past doesn’t equal the future!

The key is you. You must:

We’re going to go straight to learning a key skill. This may be the most important thing you learn today. I’ll teach you how to control your thoughts.


There are three steps -


LABEL



REPLACE



FOCUS FORWARD

(For adults who regret their past actions)


The steps to change negative self-beliefs aren’t difficult but as with all things worth doing, it requires effort. And yet – don’t let yourself become discouraged if changing your thought patterns is hard. Your previous ways of thinking are habits, and it takes about six weeks to break a habit.


I’d like you to help me illustrate this. Will everyone please fold your arms? Now unfold them and fold them again the opposite way. HABIT is so powerful.


It comes back to the question, “How badly do I really want to change?” That reminds me of a well-known story about Socrates.

Socrates Story. (Pond pix)


Power Belief #2 I am Joyful and Confident


Who do you admire most in your life? Who are you drawn to? Usually it’s the joyful ones who smile, laugh, compliment others and radiate happiness.


I Create My Own Happiness (is part of this belief)

Happiness is all about focus. Whatever you focus on pulls you in that direction, either negative or positive. So the secret to happiness is to choose to focus on the positive, no matter what. Abraham Lincoln reminded us, “Folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”


There’s a vast amount of research on this.


An experiment conducted at Stanford University by S. Lyubomirsky, in 1994, concluded that: Happy people do not experience one success after another and unhappy people, one failure after another. Instead, surveys show that happy and unhappy people tend to have had very similar life experiences. The difference is that the average unhappy person spends more than twice as much time thinking about unpleasant events in their lives, while happy people tend to seek and rely upon information that brightens their personal outlook.


How can we focus on the positive? Exactly how do we create joy and confidence?


8 Ways to Create Joy and Confidence


1. Think gratitude. Instead of looking at what you don’t have, pay attention to what you have and to the good things about your life.

Dale Carnegie remarked, “Happiness doesn’t depend on outward conditions. It depends on inner conditions. It isn’t what we have or who we are, or what we are doing that makes us happy or unhappy. It’s what we think about it. For example, two people may be in the same place, doing the same thing, and yet one may be miserable and the other happy. Why? Because of a different mental attitude.”


Story of woman at NATO Headquarters, Mali, West Africa


2. Offer love and kindness – be others-centered.

Mother Teresa said, “Spread love wherever you go. First of all in your own home. Give love to your husband, your wife, your children, your next door neighbor. Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God’s kindness. Kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile, kindness in your warm greeting.”


Mother Teresa Poem


3. Be flexible and cheerful. Our ability to adapt well and be cheerful is an indicator of our strength of character.


Charles Garfield Story


4. Be passionate about something. People who open their eyes each morning and immediately look forward to something that they’re passionate about are usually interesting folks who focus on the positive.


Tell about Women Celebrating Life


5. Use Positive Self-talk and Healthy Self-fulfilling Prophecies


Instead of negative self-talk:

Say:


Another thing we can do to create joy and confidence is to:


6. Ignore your negative thoughts


We all have thousands of thoughts each day. Some are going to be positive and productive, and others will be worrisome, fearful, covetous, etc. The question isn’t whether or not you’re going to have negative thoughts – we all do - it’s what you choose to do with the ones you have.


You really only have two choices. You can either worry about them, analyze them, think more and more about them, or you can dismiss them; let them go! When you have a thought – that’s all it is…just a thought. It can’t hurt you without your permission.


Think of your negative thought as a match which has just been lit. (LIGHT A MATCH!) You can either blow it out immediately and stay healthy, or you can create a mental snowball and let it burn, hurt and scar you.


(Paula blow it out) “The choice is yours.”


Let’s look at this example:


Darrel and Katie had a quarrel just minutes before Darrel left for work. Darrel “blew out the match” and let the negative thoughts go soon after he left the house. Katie, on the other hand, was still stewing and angry about the issue when Darrel came home at 6:00 o’clock that night.


While Darrel was able to have a productive day, Katie didn’t get anything accomplished because she spent hours calling family and friends to complain and get advice. What she didn’t understand is that an argument that happens in the morning is no longer an actual argument, it’s a thought in your mind.


Is this difficult – to “blow out the match” – to change our thinking and our mood immediately?


NO! You do it all the time! Let me show you…


MUSIC HERE – Rocky, God Bless the USA


I’d also like to suggest we make an effort to


7. Eliminate all negative expressions, no matter how benign they may seem because our subconscious minds take it all in – and anything negative becomes part of who we are. So get rid of little negatives that weaken you.



Another key is to


8. Stop asking yourself bad questions and start asking good ones. Instead of:


“Why does this always happen to me?”

“Why can’t I ever remember names?”

“Why don’t they like me?”


Ask yourself:


“What could I do to make myself feel happier right now?”

“What can I learn from this that will make me a better person?”

“Who can I help today?”

By improving the words you consistently use you can immediately improve the quality of your thoughts, your emotions and your life.


Let’s learn another skill that will help you change your core self beliefs: They’re called:


Confidence Concept Cards

Let me tell you about my friend - a previously struggling and now highly-successful salesperson who made this idea work for her. She put 3x5 inch cards where she could easily see them - on her bathroom mirror, her desk at work, in her car (on the visor), and in her planner. These cards were Confidence Concepts that affirmed her goodness.


“I am a great salesperson.”

“I radiate confidence and kindness to everyone.”

“I am a loving wife and patient mother.”

“I am organized and efficient at work and at home.”

“Nothing is impossible because I’m successful in every area of my life.”


Can this type of positive input, read regularly and believed sincerely can have a powerful impact on your level of confidence? Absolutely!



Think about it. For hundreds of years, logical, reasonable thinking caused man to walk and ride on the backs of animals and view himself as capable of traveling only by land or by water. Logical thinking said, “Man, you can’t fly. If God had wanted man to fly he would have given you wings. He gave wings to birds. Birds fly. Man, you are a FOOL to dream that you could join the birds.” Fortunately, Orville and Wilbur Wright ignored such logic and took action!


Once people believed the world was flat. They believed that if they went too far from the shoreline in a boat they would fall off the earth. But Columbus believed otherwise, and he took action!


Test pilot Chuck Yeager was told by some of aviation’s best scientists that if he became the first man to break the sound barrier he could burn up. He might rattle apart in mid-air. But Yeager believed in himself. He took action, broke the sound barrier, and lived to become a hero.


Believe in yourself!


The world is not flat and you CAN break through barriers to live your dreams!


And how grateful I am that because we live in this blessed land of America we can dream big dreams and make those dreams come true!!!

Power Belief #3

I Become My Ideal Self By Vividly Imagining and Acting ‘As If’ I Already Am that Highly Successful Person


“Nothing Happens Unless First a Dream”

Carl Sandburg


Our challenge? To turn an invisible dream into a measurable reality.

I love the story about the time Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes misplaced his ticket while traveling on a train. Watching him fumble through his belongings and pockets in growing frustration, the conductor said, “Don’t worry about it, Mr. Holmes. I’m sure you have your ticket somewhere. If you don’t find it during the trip, just mail it in to the railroad when you reach your destination.” Holmes looked the conductor in the eye and said, “Young man, my problem is not finding my ticket. It’s finding out where in the world I’m going!”


Where in the world ARE we going?


“Great living starts with a picture, held in your imagination, of what you would like to do or be.”

Harry Fosdick

Every Accomplishment is First Created in our Imagination





Form a Picture and “See Yourself” Succeed


Four ways to do this:


    1. Each day take 5 minutes and relax - close your eyes. Create a mental motion picture of yourself as you would like to be. Imagine, in great detail, your “best self:” Imagine your face radiant and smiling; your body at its optimum shape and fitness level; your clothes well-fitting and nice. Imagine (in great detail) doing something extremely well that you enjoy doing…


“Imagine how you would feel if you were already the

sort of personality you want to be.”

Dr. Maxwell Maltz


    1. As you go through your day, when life becomes overwhelming and you need a mental break - take a “mini vacation in your mind.” This is easily done with practice. You simply create in your mind a wonderful place where you’re very happy. For some this is an exquisitely-decorated palace - for others it’s a walk along a warm, clean, sandy beach with someone they love. For still others it’s a beautiful room with a large, comfortable bed…and a big window looking out onto a pond and flower garden.


Wherever you go in your mind, that place needs to be seen in great detail. Touch the palace walls, smell the ocean, feel the soft pillow on the bed. Are you with me here? Can you visualize?


Dr. Norman Vincent Peale: “Fill your mind with all peaceful experiences possible, then make planned and deliberate excursions to them in memory.”


3. A third way you can use this marvelous tool of visualization is to release yourself from damaging beliefs from the past or to heal yourself from past pain.


Everyone who has experienced emotional pain and heartache knows that it is very real and extraordinarily difficult to forget. Although you can’t erase the past, you can help yourself heal with visualization. Here’s how: When a painful memory forces itself into your mind, label it with “That hurt” (because it did) and then replace it with a thought about how the person SHOULD HAVE BEHAVED. Instead of letting your mind re-play the experience as it was, imagine what how it should have been.


4. A fourth way you can use visualization is to imagine yourself into the future, performing successfully: giving a presentation; achieving a goal; being patient/kind/forgiving, etc.


Again, you create mental pictures in your mind – in great detail. You imagine every part of the experience.


Dr. Harry Fosdick: “Hold a picture of yourself long and steadily enough in your mind’s eye and you will be drawn toward it. Picture yourself vividly as defeated and that alone will make victory impossible. Picture yourself vividly as winning and that alone will contribute immeasurably to success.”


Be Aware of Your Thoughts


Acting “As If” while you’re becoming your ideal self requires being consciously aware of your thoughts.


One summer during the 1950’s a bright Stanford College student named Henry Eyring labored over a difficult physics problem. Finally he decided to ask his father for help. This young man’s father was not just any ordinary guy – he was a Nobel-prize-winning scientist. As the wise scientist studied his son’s problem he asked, “Isn’t this problem similar to one that we worked on last week?” Young Eyring answered, “Yes, I guess so…” And his father then asked, “Well, what have you been thinking about this week…I mean when you were walking along, or in the shower, or driving? Weren’t you thinking about this problem?” His son admitted that no, he didn’t think about the problem at all. The brilliant father then asked a question which his son never, ever forgot. He said,


“Son, what do you think about when you don’t have to think about anything?”


Henry admitted that he didn’t think about science. And then, with a sad expression on his face, the Nobel-prize winner remarked, “Then you better not be a scientist. You should go into whatever field you think about when you don’t have to think about anything.”


I would like to ask you that same question. “What do you think about when you don’t have to think about anything? Where do you allow your thoughts to take you?”



I’d like to suggest that during moments when you don’t have to think about anything - count your blessings, think about your past successes, imagine yourself highly successful in the future...


In the Theater of Your Mind you can play whatever scenes you choose. What I’m suggesting is that you steer your thoughts down positive paths during times when you don’t have to think about anything.


We all create images in our minds. Our behavior is the result of what we imagine to be true. We can change our behavior by changing our mental pictures...our beliefs.


Positive Experiences Can Be Simulated

They Can be Created “Artificially” in Our Minds!


You see, the very nature of the human brain and nervous system allows you to literally create experiences in your mind. Experimental and clinical psychologists have proven:





PILLAR PRINCIPLE #2 POSITIVE CRISIS


“Relief is Just a Crisis Away”


Relief = Really Extraordinary Living in Everyone’s Future

This powerful technique guarantees achievement of your goals!!


You may be thinking, “Another crisis is the last thing I need!”


Debilitating Stress – feeling of being overwhelmed and out of control - should be avoided


Enabling Stress – normal part of living


Positive Crisis – is part of healthy, enabling stress

It propels you to action with an intense sense of urgency.


Intentionally introducing crisis into your life is positive and good when it gets you over the hurdles of inertia, doubt or laziness and serves as a catalyst for goal achievement!


Positive Crisis Examples:

1. Disorganized woman – invited a friend to see her clean house in 2 weeks

2. Special Forces soldier afraid of skydiving – joined a skydiving class

3. Overweight man – created an exercise and diet routine that included others ($500)




PILLAR PRINCIPLE #3

PARTNERING

“No Man is an Island”


No man is an island, no man stands alone

Each man’s joy is joy to me, each man’s grief is my own

We need one another, so I will defend

Each man as my brother, each man as my friend

John Donne


ACTIVITY – Arm wrestle

You get a point each time you touch the other person’s shoulder.

The way you win the game is to score the most points.


Lessons from the Geese


Fact 1: As each goose flaps its wings it creates an ‘uplift’ for the birds that follow. By flying in a ‘V’ formation, the whole flock adds 71% greater flying range than if each bird flew alone.


Lesson 1: People who share a common direction and sense of community can get where they’re going quicker and easier because they are traveling on the ‘uplift’ of one another.


Fact 2: When a goose falls out of formation, it suddenly feels the drag and resistance of flying alone. It quickly moves back into formation to take advantage of the lifting power of the bird in front of it.


Lesson 2: If we have as much common sense as a goose, we stay in formation with those headed where we want to go. We are willing to accept their help, and give help in return.


Fact 3: When the lead goose tires, it rotates back into the formation and another goose flies to the point position.


Lesson 3: It pays to take turns doing the hard tasks and sharing leadership roles.


Fact 4: Geese flying in formation honk to encourage those up front to keep up their speed.


Lesson 4: We need to make sure our honking is encouraging.


Fact 5: When a goose becomes sick, wounded, or is shot, two geese drop out of formation and follow it down. They stay with the goose until it dies or is able to fly again. Then, they join another formation or catch up with the flock.


Lesson 5: If we have as much sense as geese, we will stand by each other in difficult times.



“We are not primarily put on this earth to see through one another,

but to see one another through.”

Peter DeVries


Pillar Principle #4 Preparation


“It takes a lot of unspectacular preparation to produce spectacular results.”

Roger Staubach


Famous basketball coach Bobby Knight was interviewed shortly after his Indiana Hoosiers captured the NCAA National Championship title. The interviewer asked him, “Why is it, Bobby, that your basketball teams at Indiana are always so successful? Is it the will to succeed?”

“The will to succeed is important,” replied Knight, “but I’ll tell you what’s more important – it’s the will to prepare. It’s the will to go out there every day, training and building those muscles and sharpening those skills.”



Pillar Principle #5 Performance


“Whatever I have tried to do in my life, I have tried

with all my heart to do well.”

Charles Dickens



PERFORMANCE FORMULA:

Planning + Preparation + Personal Work + Persistence + Prayer = Practically Perfect Performance


This is where we address the nitty-gritty of goal achievement. Performance is about taking action. As Nike says, “Just DO IT!”


Thomas Carlyle reminds us that “conviction is worthless until it converts itself into conduct.”


When you were a child…



Picture this:


A one-year-old little girl sees a set of stairs for the first time. What do you think went through her mind as he looked up at this exciting new thing. If you’ve ever been around kids, you know what a one-year-old is thinking. “Wow! I’ve got to get to the top.”


That little girl didn’t stand at the bottom and think:


She didn’t tell herself any of these negatives because she didn’t think that way. She just began. She focused on her goal and didn’t allow negative thoughts to affect her, break her concentration, or keep her from her goal.


We all know the feelings of excitement that consumed the little girl as she contemplated climbing those stairs – because this story is about YOU! You were once that little girl with amazement about the world around you. You stood at the bottom of those stairs and thought, “Wow! I’ve got to get to the top!”


The key is your desire, gaining knowledge and taking action!


Now let me remind - negatively-charged people might get in your way - they allow events to control their lives. And there are positively-charged people, like Helen Keller, Mother Teresa, Margaret Thatcher, Oprah Winfry who remain in control of their lives no matter what. You want to be positively charged.


Good things happen to positively-charged people because they look for good – they seek the good and they EXPECT the good things in life that they confidently believe will come their way. And because of the Law of Attraction and it’s “sister” the Law of Intention – good thing DO come their way!! (“The rich get richer!” Have you ever heard that phrase?)


Positively-charged people are both powerful and empowering. They are leaders. They are successful. They believe in themselves and their abilities, and their enthusiasm and self-confidence affects everyone around them…it’s contagious ~ just like negativity is contagious! So another lesson is to associate with positively-charged people…surround yourself with those people and what will happen?


Remember: there are two types of people in your life. Those who nourish you, and those who drain you. Those who help you grow, and those who don’t.


Seek out people who empower you, who inspire and complement you, the people who enable you to see great possibilities. in yourself. It takes an enormous amount of energy to reach your goals and to strive continuously for greatness. You really can’t afford to have relationships with people whose very presence drains energy from you.


I believe that right now you don’t know 95 percent of the people who will help you reach your dream. They are strangers. Some people close to you won’t help you BECAUSE they know you. They can’t make the mental leap from where you have been and where you are to where you want to go. Don’t get upset about that. Look for someone who thinks like you, someone to help you move to the next level of achievement.


“We grow through our dreams. All great mean and women are dreamers. Some, however, allow their dreams to die. You should nurse your dreams and protect them through bad times and tough times to the sunshine and light which always come.” Woodrow Wilson


In these challenging times - when even our biggest corporations, not to mention entire nations, are in turmoil, it is more important than ever to believe in the possibilities for better times. When chaos prevails in your world or in your personal life, you must know within yourself that if others can live their dreams, you can live yours too. Invest your energy in reaching for the greatest possibilities rather than in fretting over your worst fears.


You showed up on this planet with greatness within you. The possibilities were endless when you were born, and unless you allow life to batter you into submission, that does not change. You are in control until you abdicate control, and even then you can seize it back.


Have you ever heard someone say, “I’m only human!” This implies that being human means we come with certain limitations that are insurmountable. I disagree. I believe that most of the limitations we have are self-imposed. Throughout history the human mind and spirit have overcome and endured problems and situations that seemed insurmountable. The tools are there, but it takes a focused will, and conscious “becoming”.


In his book An Enemy Called Average, John L. Mason writes about a tree in Asia called the giant bamboo that has a particularly hard seed. It’s so hard that to grow you must water and fertilize that seed every day for four years before any portion of it breaks the soil. And then in the fifth year, the tree shows itself. But the remarkable thing is that once it breaks the surface, this bamboo plant grows about four feet a day to a height of ninety feet in less than a month!


Now the question is, Did the bamboo tree grow ninety feet in under a month or did it grow over five years? Over five years, of course! Most people don’t realize that if the grower had stopped watering or fertilizing that seed at any point, the tree would have died.


When you don’t see instant results, many people become discouraged with their dreams and goals. They become impatient. And I believe many of them walk away from their dreams just as they are about to break through and flourish.


Your time is now.


Og Mandino said, “I will persist until I succeed.”


Henry David Thoreau:


“I learned this, that if you advance confidently in the direction of your dreams, and endeavor to live the life which you have imagined, you will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. You will put some things behind, you will pass an invisible boundary… and you will live with the license of a higher order of beings.”


Believe It! BECOME IT!


Believe that you can create positive change in your life.


Believe that you can become more joyful and confident than you ever dreamed of being.


Believe that you can become your ideal self by vividly imagining and acting as if you already are that highly successful person.


Believe that you can create an extraordinary life… because you can!



I’d like to share some ways that you and I can be Women of Influence.


There are four ingredients:



Self-knowledge


PIX

The story is told of an Indian farmer named Ali Hafid who could neither read nor write, but who was fortunate enough to have his own farm, a fine wife, and a good family.


One day a traveling monk came to Hafid and told him about a marvelous discovery recently made of a jewel called a diamond.


The story so caught the imagination of Ali Hafid that he sold his farm and house and left his wife and family to search for diamonds. He traveled far and wide searching, but never found the precious stones. Finally, broken in body and spirit, having exhausted his funds in his fruitless search, he cast himself into the sea, and drowned.


About that time the monk came through the village again and stopped at the farm formerly owned by Hafid. There on the mantel he saw a lovely diamond.


“I see Ali found his diamond,” he said, pointing to the stone.


“Oh, Ali sold me his farm,” said the new owner, “and that stone is just a pretty rock I found down in the streambed as I watered my sheep.”


“Show me the place,” said the monk, and the man led him to the stream.


There, in the gravel bottom of the streambed, they found one diamond after another. A further search showed the whole farm contained diamonds, even in the dirt floor in the cellar of the house. The story claims that thus the rich Golconda diamond field was discovered. There beneath his very feet was the fortune for which Ali Hafid gave his life in a fruitless search.


The lesson?


The greatest treasure you’ll ever find lies within you. Don’t fall into the trap of neglecting to discover that life’s greatest prize is within.


Self-knowledge grows out of contemplation, prayer, questioning yourself, and welcoming feedback from others.


Take time to contemplate - get to know yourself by introspection.


PIX

Central park is the heart of New York City. Outside of the park, taxis dart and roar like lions on the loose. Below the sidewalk one can hear the hum of a rushing subway. Across the skyline, sleek, glass-sided buildings push upwards. Hardly more than a bus stop away are the dazzling lights of Broadway. But, within the bounds of Central Park is quiet serenity, where life appears in slow motion compared to the events outside its bounds.


Bernard M. Baruch was called the “Park Bench Statesman.” He knew well the bustling side of New York. He had come to the big city from the South as a lad of ten. He became an office boy at nineteen, a Wall Street partner at twenty-five, and a millionaire at thirty-five. During the five years after he made his first fortune, he served as a close adviser to five United States presidents.


Bernard Baruch developed the ability to get away from the downtown din, sitting on a quiet park bench, and thinking about himself, other people, and the world.


He once wrote that he was shy and fearful as a boy, with an “ungovernable temper.” He added that if there was a “key” to his success, it was in his ability to appraise himself. He said that as he became better acquainted with himself he acquired a better understanding of others.


All of us in these hurrying times need to pause for “park bench” mediation, to evaluate out lives, count our blessings, ponder about those who bring blessings our way, determine how we can best serve others, and to visualize becoming our ideal selves.


We all need a personal Central Park.


“Know thyself” is an age-old maxim.


Can you stand boldly and articulate exactly who you are, why you believe and act the way you do, and what you’re doing to better the world?


It troubles me that we spend years in school learning about the lives of other people, but we devote hardly any time at all to studying ourselves. Too many of us understand the forces of American history but not the forces behind our personal histories.


Why do we need to know ourselves?


The answer is taught many times a day aboard every airplane in the United States. “If the cabin loses pressure, oxygen masks will fall from above. Put on your own mask first - before trying to help the person next to you.”


Before we can be highly effective leaders we need to be clear about our values, our beliefs, our strengths and our weaknesses. We need to know – with great clarity – where we are going and why.


Shania Twain knew what she wanted - to sing to millions.

Her family was very poor and her mother often suffered severe bouts of depression because of their poverty. This left Shania in the role as mother. Just as she was about to attain stardom, her parents were killed in a car accident. So Shania, at the age of 22, returned home to raise her two younger brothers with even less money than before.


Wilma Ruldoph’s passion was to be the fastest woman on the planet.

She was the 20th of 22 children, and her family was also extremely poor.

When she was four years old Wilma had double pneumonia and scarlet fever – a deadly combination that left her with a paralyzed left leg. She wore an iron leg brace. However, because of her passion and persistence Wilma won 2 Olympic gold medals and became the fastest woman in the world.


Let’s talk about the Six Ways we can Become Women of Influence, because this takes a great deal of introspection – evaluating ourselves honestly and candidly. Unless we know where we are, how can we know where we’re going?


Think, for just a moment.... In your mind, picture the place you work. People are there - your colleagues, your friends. They’re just standing around talking. As they hear the door open they all turn and look - and they see you coming in the door.


What are their thoughts?

Now, shift your mind’s eye to your home. Your husband or wife and children are there as you walk in the door. What are their thoughts?


Increasing your influence begins in your own mind.


1. RESPECT YOURSELF

    1. Expect to be respected


Your beliefs about who you are and who you can be

always determine who you will be.


You must believe, in your heart of hearts, that you are of great value....that your contributions are of indispensable worth.


    1. Care for yourself/look your best


We all respect ourselves more when we take care of ourselves physically.

    1. Radiate good feelings of self-worth


Go back with me and remember walking in the office.

Are you there?

As you picture yourself, what is your body language saying? Does your body (facial expression/posture) send a message that you feel good about yourself....that you have great value?

Improving your body language is one of the easiest ways to improve your image and your influence.


    1. Recognize your value/allow others to recognize your value


For example, when your boss, or a co-worker says, “Good job!” Don’t say, “It was nothing.....” Don’t point out your mistakes, or how long it took you. Accept the compliment graciously and say, “Thanks! I think it turned out pretty well, too.”


At home, teach your children to appreciate what they do for you. From when they’re tiny, you can say (as you give them a sandwich), “Thanks! Thanks for being a great Mom!” Point out your efforts....teach them gratitude.


  1. RESPECT OTHERS


3. BE COMPETENT

    1. Be organized and in control of your life


    1. Take advantage of training opportunities every chance you get.

4. DEVELOP GREAT LISTENING SKILLS

5. COMMUNICATE POSITIVELY

Good, positive communication is understanding AND being understood. Trying to understand BEFORE being understood means that we’re more interested in others than in ourselves. It means we really want to communicate, not just tell how we feel.


We can understand people in three ways:

Be that person

Watch his/her body language

Listen carefully


  1. LIVE THE VALUES YOU BELIEVE


Napoleon Hill: “No man can afford to express, through words or acts, that which is not in harmony with his own beliefs, and if he does so, he must pay by the loss of his influence.”


Let’s talk about the next ingredient that gives women deep, lasting feelings of self-worth and a strong, peaceful calm to help them live lives of joy, confidence and influence


Self Approval


We can’t expect others to love us more than we love ourselves. Self-dislike blocks growth. On the other hand, humbly approving of yourself strengthens your relationships, increases your productivity, and affects every part of your world.


Your level of self-approval paints itself on your face, colors your voice, and programs your thoughts, feelings, words, and actions.


You know – much of the problem with poor self-approval today can be connected to the mass media. We are bombarded by pictures of beautiful, perfect, skinny women. Thanks to lot of pure fantasy, and some feminist propaganda, today’s woman is shown as gorgeous, exuding self-confidence, always young, never ill, doesn’t make mistakes or appear foolish, never loses her cool, and of course, never gains a pound. She is always provocative and sensuous and perfectly put together.


That woman is an absolute, total myth! If we compare ourselves to that kind of woman, naturally our self-approval will suffer.


Patricia Holland remarked:


“The battle many of you wage on an interior front concerns me.  Many of us create a civil war within ourselves by internalizing problems of fear, uncertainty, self-doubt, and worry - often over things we can do preciously little about.  If we spend our time and energy worrying about being too tall or too short or about our freckles and warts and big noses, then I fear we’re doomed to certain defeat.  The person who is engaged in such a constant internal fight has little energy and power left to win the outside battles.  You can’t afford to be your own worst enemy.


And taking the battles inside - firing mortar shells into your very soul - is potentially one of the most damaging of all human activities.  You can recover from poor grades or a missed date, but if you turn such outside matters into self-criticism, letting them damage your spirit and your self-worth and esteem, then you’ve begun a battle with a very high mortality rate indeed.”


An interior battle…. Good food for thought.


I know beautiful, talented women with very low self-esteem – low levels of self-approval. On the other hand, I know women who are plain – by the standards of men – whose self-approval is high … they are positive and upbeat about their abilities.


The second story about how to improve our mental strength tells of a Hindu master….


When we understand this deeply, we get that if you can “be a lake” you don’t allow others to offend you….


How about accepting compliments? This is another indication of weak or strong self-approval.

Why are we uncomfortable accepting compliments? One of the most common reasons is that we genuinely believe that we are not deserving of the compliment.

For example, if you have finished a painting but it has a few flaws, you may be tempted to point out those flaws when someone compliments you on the painting. Resist the temptation, smile and thank the person instead. Say something like, “Thanks - this painting took a long time and I did hope it would turn out nicely.” 

If someone tells you that your dress is nice, don’t say “Oh this? It’s so old!” Instead, say, “Thank you. I like it too.”  

Once you have done this a few times, you could then add a line of appreciation such as, “When I first bought this I wasn’t sure if I made the right choice, so your compliment makes me feel much better. Thanks!” 

The third part of self-approval is focus.

What we focus on determines how we feel about ourselves. And whatever we focus on pulls us in that direction – either negative or positive. So the key is to focus on what you have, not on what you don’t have.

Before we move on, I’ll share the story of a woman who had a wonderful attitude right up to her last breath.

The Fork


There was a woman who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and had been given three months to live. So as she was getting her things "in order," she contacted her pastor and had him come to her house to discuss certain aspects of her final wishes. She told him which songs she wanted sung at the service, what scriptures she would like read, and what outfit she wanted to be buried in. The woman also requested to be buried with her favorite Bible. Everything was in order and the pastor was preparing to leave when the woman suddenly remembered something very important to her.

"There's one more thing," she said excitedly.

"What's that?" came the pastor's reply.

"This is very important," the woman continued. "I want to be buried with a fork in my right hand."

The pastor stood looking at the woman, not knowing quite what to say. "That surprises you, doesn't it?" the woman asked.

"Well, to be honest, I'm puzzled by the request," said the pastor.

The woman explained, "In all my years of attending church socials and potluck dinners, I always remember that when the dishes of the main course were being cleared, someone would inevitably lean over and say, 'Keep your fork.' It was my favorite part because I knew that something better was coming...like velvety chocolate cake or deep-dish apple pie. Something wonderful, and with substance! So, I just want people to see me there in that casket with a fork in my hand and I want them to wonder 'What's with the fork?' Then I want you to tell them: "Keep your fork....the best is yet to come."

Self Commitment


I’m suggesting you commit to self-kindness; self-appreciation…to filling your cup…every day.


What do you do when you commit to helping others?


Self-commitment is just like that, but you do those things for yourself. You take the time and make the effort to treat yourself as well as you treat others. And it’s alright. You can give love better from your overflow.


When you have healthy self-commitment you:


Think kind thoughts about yourself

Make time to do things you love

Spend time developing your talents

Appreciate your talents and acknowledge your strengths

Pray for yourself in addition to praying for others

Look to the future with a joyful heart


Self Fulfillment


I’d like to begin this section with some interesting statistics:


If we could shrink the earth's population
to a village of 100 people
with all the existing human ratios remaining the same,
it would look something like this:

There would be:
57 Asians
21 Europeans
14 from the Western Hemisphere
(both North and South America)
8 Africans


70 would be non-white
30 would be white


70 would be non-Christian
30 would be Christian


6 people would possess 59% of the entire world's wealth
and all 6 would live in the United States


80 would live in substandard housing


70 would be unable to read


50 would suffer from malnutrition


1 (yes, only 1) would have a college education


1 would own a computer

More to ponder…

If you woke up this morning
with more health than illness,
you are more blessed than
the 1 million people who will not survive this week.

If you have never experienced the danger of battle,
the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture,
or the pangs of starvation,
you are ahead of 500 million people in the world.

If you can attend a church meeting
without fear of harassment,
arrest, torture, or death,
you are more blessed than
three billion people in the world.

If you have food in the refrigerator,
clothes on your back,
a roof overhead and a place to sleep,
you are richer than 75% of this world.

If you have money in the bank and in your wallet
you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy.

If you can read this message,
you are blessed because over two billion people in the world
cannot read at all.

What is self fulfillment? I thought long and hard about this.


I believe self fulfillment is a deep, secure knowledge that the path you are walking in life is in harmony with God’s plan for you. This is not to say that you’re perfect – but that the direction you are headed is the right one. You are – each day of your life – trying to make good, noble choices. You are “filling your cup” and giving abundant love to everyone in your life’s circle. And when you leave this mortal existence, you will leave a wonderful legacy.


May our choices always be in alignment with the values in which we believe.


This reminds me of the time right before a concert begins.


Orchestra members are busy warming up and practicing – the noise level is high – there’s a mass array of sounds sounding from many different instruments.


And then, right before the performance is to begin, the concert-master – always the first violinist – stands up and faces the group. He or she plays one note – a solitary “A” is sounded.


At that signal, the entire orchestra moves their bows and breath and fingers to align with that “A” – and soon they are all playing in unison… on the same note.


In our lives, there is so much noise – so many voices compete for our attention, and we are confused at times. But when we align our choices with our knowledge of right and wrong, the confusion disappears because we are in alignment with that one single note of truth.


And as you continue to listen and respond, that note will resonate even more clearly in your heart – and your every word and action will more easily align with what you know to be right for you and your family.


Listen to the “A” note within you – it is playing your unique song and inviting you to align and sing along.


I’ll close with my favorite poem, “If” by Rudyard Kipling.


If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting, too;


If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,

Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,

And yet don’t look too good nor talk too wise;


If you can dream and not make dreams your master,

If you can think, and not make thoughts your aim,

If you can meet with triumph and disaster,

And treat those two imposters just the same;


If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

And stoop and build ‘em up with worn-out tools;


If you can make one heap of all your winnings,

And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings,

And never breathe a word about your loss;


If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the will which says to them: “Hold on!”


If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with kings – nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

If all men count with you, but none too much;


If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,

And – which is more – you’ll be a Man, my Son!



May you be blessed to become women of influence BECAUSE your very life is like a splendid torch – lighting the way for others. Thank you, and God bless.

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