Due to the recent popularity of the Guitar Hero video game, Activision

games

will soon be releasing there newest music based game, "Worship Team

Hero".

Below is Activisions recent release of the Game.

Description:

This group is intended to promote the development of the new video game

Worship Team Hero.

You play a worship leader of a big time Church in downtown Calgary. As

with

all worship teams, you must recruit a band (or two) composed entirely of

Churched individuals who think they are skilled in their instrument,

when

really, they are mediocre at best.

You must develop a repetoire of worship songs. You will train your

transposition and arranging skills as you must make sure that every song

has

no more than four chords (fewer is better). Also, every song must be in

either E or G, because any other key is much too hard for guitarists.

The game takes you through an exciting journey of worship leading as you

develop and promote your ministry.

Feel free to engage and allow your instrumentalists to experiment with

solos, but take caution, because any excessive soloing will cause an

uprise

amongst the old ladies in your congregation.

Rules:

You must make sure your guitarists do not turn their amp past a .5

volume

level! This will result in dissension from the sound techs in the back

of

the Church!

All worship sets must include a minimum of two hymns. You must learn to

balance contemporary and classical worship music. This is to keep all

ages

of your congregation happy.

Hymns are only accessible in higher levels, due to the faster chord

changes.

The final level will be a song in the key of A. However, it is

impossible to

beat, because none of your guitarists can play an F#m

You must have a minimum of three guitarists on your team. One bass, one

electric, and one acoustic. Also, your acoustic must always be out of

tune.

Your electric guitarist must play 90% of what the acoustic player is

playing. Any derivation should be dealt with by turning the amp down.

Also,

the amp must be run through a DI Box. Do not mic the amp. Heaven forbid

you

have good tone.

Every song, every time in between the pre-chorus and chorus, must

include a

random band member shouting 'Jesus', 'Lord' or other indistinguishable

noises.

75% of your vocalists must sing the melody. A maximum of two harmonies

are

allowed. These harmonies must be at 50% the volume of the melody. They

must

also be dragged out longer than the melody, to allow the congregation to

hear them.

All worship sets must include a minimum of one (1) Chris Tomlin song.

If you are playing for a youth or young adult audience, song selection

is

strictly limited to United, Starfield and/or Skillet. Do not introduce

more

than 2 songs that are not known, as this will confuse and drive out the

youth.

Once a month, the head pastor must join your worship team with a

tamborine.

Your head pastor will always join you on stage for the last song. At

this

point, you will step down and let him sing. No matter how badly this

sounds,

remember God is still pleased.

Every song, fast or slow, must have a keyboard pad as the background.

They

keyboardist must work hard to make it look like they are contributing.

(This

is usually achieved by dramatic facial expressions, swaying, or yelling

in

between prechoruses and choruses.)

Even if is only going from soft to mind-blowingly loud in half a

measure,

your drummer requires only one skill: and that is to build.

Drummers must resort to "Hot Rods" and/or plastic sticks because wood

sticks

make too much noise. Which is never a good thing.

As well, the drummer is strictly the only member of the team with a

sense of

style. This style must be along the lines of or some modification of

"scruffy".

The bassist will always be the only member of the band with actual

talent.

To ensure that no one hears him, make sure he is turned down at all

times

except for simple, one-note intros.

As with all worship teams, you're arch-nemesis "satan" will randomly

incorporate his evil into your worship team. This will inevitably

include

failing power supplies, vocal mishaps, instrument destruction, etc..

Occasionally, one of your guitarists will require a capo. This will

result

in utter chaos as you will now have two sets of chord sheets, which will

inevitably be mixed up and now none of your band members will know which

key

to play in.

Hero mode will include a song which requires a key change. Naturally,

this

will result in a melody way too high for ANYONE in the congregation to

sing.

One of the boss levels will require you to bring the whole band in at

the

same time following a song which the Pastor requires to be sung a

capella.

You will have to master a few commonly used gestures between musicians -

especially between leaders and the remaining band. These will be met

with a

confused look and a shrug. Points are awarded for getting your

band-mates to

properly execute the section, using any means necessary (not excluding,

dirty looks, frantic arm waving and/or yelling).

Practice Mode. Practice mode will always be fantastic and include many

elements foreign to Sunday morning. ie: drum fills, shots, accapellas,

interludes, worship, and the Holy Spirit. Also, every song's tempo will

be

increased by 30bpm to increase anxiety levels.

Bonus points if everyone in your band (including vocalists) shows up on

time. However, double MINUS those points because the sound techs are

MIA.

Occasionally during practice or performance you will encounter a

challenge

entitled "How does this song go?" Your guitarist, or pianist, who is

starting the intro for your next song is frantically mouthing words to

you.

Can you make sense of their mumblings and remind them how it goes?

All drum kits must be completely engulfed by plexi glass. No one will

know

or ever understand the reasoning for this.

Occasionally, all instruments must play the exact same lick as the bass

for

a portion of a song. This will be known as "bass repetition"

Any and all guitar solos MUST begin with the melody of the song's

chorus.

Derivation will be allowed (but not recommended) after 4 bars.

You, as the worship leader, must conduct the entire congregation. You

will

not keep tempo however. You must force the band to follow your

seizure-like

speed changes.

The game will also include a Stage Design mode, in which you will be

able to

add your own personal and more realistic touches to your environment.

ie.

tacky plastic flowers, inspirational banners, etc.

There will be a Character Design mode where you can dress your player.

Your

choices for clothing will range from the "earthy" worship leader (ie:

birkenstocks and fuzzy sweaters) to the wannabe rockstar style (ie:

ripped

up jeans, layered shirts, messy fauhawk-mullet) to the conservative

(full

suit or ankle lenght black skirt, turtleneck etc.). Any choice of

"inappropriate" clothing will result in an uprising of old ladies and

threatening elders.

Patience Mode.

Patience Mode will include various aspects of worship, such as a member

of

the congregation who believes that they have amazing talent in playing

an

unusual musical instrument (90% of the time, it will be a classical

instrument.) They will also clearly lack any talent whatsoever. You will

have to clear stages with people playing recorders, flutes, trumpets,

and a

xylophone. The final level will include a bagpipe player who feels that

he

must contribute to the Praise & Worship songs....good luck.

If your worship team can make it big, you will encounter a level in

which

your worship ministry produces it's own album of all cover songs that

have

already been covered by multiple artists. Bonus points for including a

massively over-produced version of "Heart of Worship." You gain points

if

you can succesfully justify not licensing the album with the logic "it's

for

the Lord's glory."

Song arrangement is key in a successful worship team. You must be sure

to

always have a song selection of 2 fast, 1 and/or 2 mid-tempo and 2 slow

songs, in this order. Failure to do so will cause disengagement from the

congregation.

In addition, the final slow song must be dominated by an angelic synth

sound. This activates the Holy Spirit.

Be sure not to leave more than 4 seconds of awkward silence while

transitioning songs, as the Holy Spirit Level Indicator (HSLI) will take

a

sudden drop.

If the HSLI remains in the red for more than 15 seconds, your team will

be

asked to leave the stage, and you will be told gently that there are

other

teams who would like to use their gifts for God as well. You will not be

invited back to lead.

Points will also be lost when you request "just the voices", and your

drummer keeps playing. Or, when the vast majority of the congregation

raises

their hands and sings only during the chorus, while staring blankly at

you

or the projection screen during the verses.

It is possible (although difficult) to unlock a bonus level by

successfully

turning off the volume for "the bad singer"; leaving their voice only

coming

through their own monitor, yet convinced that everyone in the

congregation

can hear them.

Oh, and its: Verses, Chorus, Verse, Chorus, Chorus, Bridge, Chorus,

Verse...there is NO reason to change this, obvious, God-given order.

Lose points if you say "God is good", and nobody says "all the time".

At the end of a set (level), a middle-aged woman who knows your name but

doesn't introduce herself will say, "You're SO anointed!"

Then the FHLI will blink, indicating the false humility you're about to

use

to respond. 5000 extra points and a free set of in-ears if you can

figure

out how to respond well.