Daily News
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Alfie: the bulletin producer always giving commands and obsessed with Chloe up to the point of risking his
job and his work mates´ by love.
Chloe: the beautiful news presenter not satisfied with her new job and the relentless pursuit by Alfie.
Jack: the producer’s assistant dealing with most of the characters´ problems and representing a tasteful
note in the play.
Rupert: the talented immigrant with an awful English accent who loses his former job and tries everything to
Alfie, Chloe, Jack and Rupert work at a television studio leading or presenting the different sections of a
news bulletin. There have been some important changes for the last weeks and now they all have one thing
in common: they are in pursuit of happiness, but as things do not go as planned; the result seems to be the
other way round.
Alfie, the bulletin producer, wants Chloe’s relationship back at all costs. That’s why she becomes, to her
regret, the news presenter to the detriment of Rupert, the former presenter, who does not accept his new
situation.
Due to this fact, Rupert tries to plot to do something against his work mates. From the very beginning they
don’t realise Rupert’s bad intentions, even though they actually know that he is not content with his new role
presenting “Rupert looks for talent”.
Jack, the producer’s assistant, is always in the middle of this mysterious and peculiar relation among the
above-mentioned characters: Alfie, Chloe and Rupert. Consequently, Jack is playing with fire since he has to
cope with all the characters´ ups and downs; fortunately he manages to please everybody.
However, will the rest of them get what they want? Will everybody understand the great value of working
together as a group? And the most important thing; will Daily News be an overwhelming success after the
struggle of our characters?
The Story 2
Characters 2
Script 3
Glossary 18
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SCRIPT
SCENE 1
A TV studio.
Jack directs a fan across the studio which causes a hurricane effect.
Chloe: As said in other bulletins, the weather in the south of the country is encouraging people to
seek shelter in other regions. It is thought that this is a result of last week’s tsunami which
destroyed parts of southern Asia. Around the world, bad weather episodes are making
meteorologists fear the worst. (Sounding surprised)
Other theories point to political conspiracies, according to which Asian scientists have created
artificial tsunamis…….what kind of news, is this?
Jack comes closer to her with fan in hand. The wind upsets Chloe’s hair making her look punk-like.
The fan scatters the papers on the desk. Everybody comes to help Chloe clean up the mess and Jack
blows everybody with the fan until Alfie unplugs it.
Alfie: Cut it out Jack! What are you doing?
Jack: (Scared) You said you wanted more realism.
Alfie: You and I are going to have a long talk!
Jack: Yes sir, oh sir, yes!
Alfie: Get out of my way and clear up this disaster!
Chloe: (Rupert laughs loudly) What are you laughing at?
Rupert: Now you really are the queen of natural disaster!
Chloe: Do you think this is funny?
Rupert: Yes, of course!
Chloe plugs the fan in again and follows Rupert with it. It is very noisy.
Rupert: OK, stop, you job “stela”!
Chloe turns the fan off
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Chloe: What did you say?
Rupert: Job “stela”.
Chloe: Do you mean “job stealer”?
Rupert: (Pause) Yes, thank you. Thief! This is what you get for taking a seat that is not yours.
Chloe: Who says so?
Rupert: The only reason you are presenting Daily News is because you were the girlfriend of the “productor”.
Chloe: That is so macho!
Rupert: You stole my job!
Chloe: I stole nothing! I am persistent and talented...
Rupert: You were the girlfriend of the “productor”...
Chloe: I worked very hard for many years…
Rupert: You were the girlfriend of the “productor”!
Chloe: PRODUCER, PRODUCER, not “productor”. Your English is terrible.
(Chloe enters her dressing room)
Rupert: Producer, right, thank you! Jack. Let’s go, lazy-bones, we “hap” to prepare our “chow”.
(Jack comes in with a robe and puts it on Rupert)
Jack comes slightly towards Alfie and brings him some roses. Alfie gives Jack a tip. Alfie goes to
Chloe’s dressing room with the roses.
Alfie: (Knocking on the door) Chloe, I know you are in there, my apple cake. Please open the door, I
have something for you.
Chloe: (Angry) Apple cake? He is so...!
Alfie: May I come in?
Chloe: OK.
Alfie: You were great, Chloe!
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Chloe: Alfie, come on, the Daily News is a disaster; everything fell down around our feet.
Alfie: Oh, my cheesecake, stop being so negative!
Chloe: The programme was a disaster, and don’t call me cheesecake again. (Pause) I feel fat.
Alfie: Chloe, you are the best part of the show.
Chloe: You shouldn’t have moved me from my wildlife programmes to the Daily News. Rupert did it so
much better.
Alfie: Come on, come on, nobody understands him.
Chloe: (Alfie looks at her sensually.) Alfie, I think you’ve been behaving strangely since last week.
Alfie: No, that’s not true. Shall we go out for dinner tonight? (Pause) You look beautiful.
Chloe: (Slapping his hand away) Don’t come so close to me with these hands. You’re like an octopus.
Alfie: (Removing a piece of paper from Chloe’s shoulder) Sorry Chloe, I just wanted to remove this
ribbon from the tsunami. We are friends, right?
Chloe: Don’t you talk to me about tsunamis ever again! (She exits)
Alfie: (Holding Chloe’s clothes and crying into them) Oh, Chloe, Chloe!
SCENE 2
Rupert is wearing shorts and a silly hat. Jack holds some cards with the words “applause”,
“laughs”), “ohhh!”, “boo” and “whistles”.
Rupert: Hi guys! What is the best programme in the world? (Jack holds up a card which reads “Rupert
looks for talent”)
Rupert: Today we will welcome the wonderful presence of a special guest. Let’s spell her name.
Jack takes out the letters B-E-R-T-I-N-A.
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Rupert: (Addressing the audience) Hello sir/madam, what’s your name? Are you ready to receive our new
contender? (Jack holds up a card that says “Yes, I guess”). So, let’s welcome Bertina! (Jack
holds up a poster with “applause” and shows it to the public)
Rupert: Well, Bertina, tell us, why are you here?
Bertina: Because my parents’ dream is to see me rich and famous!
Rupert: You are talking about your parents’ dreams, but I want to hear about yours.
Bertina: Yes, sorry, I am a bit nervous.
Rupert: Don’t worry, it’s normal.
Bertina: I want my friends to admire me. By the way, they are watching me from my home town. A very big
kiss for you guys and all the people of “Bubsville” in Yorkshire! (Jack holds up a poster with the
word “scream”).
Rupert: Yes, greetings to the people of Bubsville. OK, Bertina, tell us, what’s your talent?
Bertina: Well, I’ve been told I have got a great voice and that I’m a very good belly dancer.
Rupert: OK, Bertina, let’s not waste any more time and check out your skills!
Bertina: (Singing) “If I were faster, I could take my bike and tell my mother that success will be mine, if I were faster
I could tell the world that in the north we sing the best songs. If I could be faster….”
Rupert signals to Jack. He holds up a poster that says “cake, cake, cake”. Rupert takes out a plate
with cream.
Rupert: Sorry Bertina, but the audience don’t think you have talent. And now… you know the punishment for
not being selected.
Bertina: Cake?
Rupert: That’s right! So, everybody: cake, cake, cake!
Bertina: Thank you, Rupert. (He smears the cream onto Bertina’s face).
Rupert: It’s nothing, my love. Well guys, it’s time to go. Thank you for coming and see you next time on
“Rupert Looks for Talent”! (Jack holds up the poster that says “Rupert Looks For Talent”)
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SCENE 3
Alfie is sitting comfortably on a chair in his office. A buzzing fly interrupts his dream. The telephone
rings, he doesn’t hear it; the answering machine comes on.
Boss: Alfie, are you there?
Alfie: Yes, mummy… yes.
Boss: I am not your mum, you freak! Wake up right now!
Alfie: Just five more minutes, please, mummy!
Boss: Alfie, I will fire you if you don’t answer the phone.
Alfie: But I have already finished my homework, mummy...
Boss: Alfie, a tsunami is coming!
Alfie: Hello, yes, sorry... sir?
Boss: That’s better.
Alfie: Boss?
Boss: Call me Lord, how many times have I told you.
Alfie: Sorry Lord…
Boss: Alfie, your programme is a disaster.
Alfie: It’s not my fault my lord, it’s those Asian people planning to take over the world.
Boss: Stop that, Alfie! That’s the most stupid manipulation by the press I have ever heard.
Alfie: But it makes sense…
Boss: I’m warning you. Improve Daily News or you are fired. I have to go now. I am watching the
Eurovision final.
Alfie: Lord? Lord? Talk to me lord, do not forsake me!
Rupert: That programme you gave me is ridiculous. I want Daily News back!
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Alfie: But who are you…?
Rupert: I want Daily News back!
Alfie: Impossible, the programme is Chloe’s.
Rupert: You stole it from me!
Alfie: Be careful with your words, foreigner!
Rupert: You know I am the best person for the job.
Alfie: Come on Rupert, don’t be jealous, maybe… maybe you are right but... but she is so beautiful,
Rupert! Look at her! Pretty girls have more of an impact! (Alfie realises he was hugging Rupert
and jumps away) And nevertheless, your English is awful. .
Rupert: Alfie, do you really think she will come back to you just because you gave her the Daily News?
Alfie: Oh, Chloe, Chloe! Why did she leave me?
Rupert: Don’t you cry, chicken, if you want that girl back you need a strategy!
Alfie: But what? I gave her roses; I took her for expensive dinners, nice trips, once I even brought her
some mariachis! (Jack gives him a roll of toilet paper to dry his tears) Thank you, Jack.
Rupert: She needs a big act of love!
Alfie: But what?
Rupert: Jack! (Jack enters with a very ugly-looking old coat and puts it on Alfie).
Alfie: Jack, what are you...?
Rupert: Tell Chloe that she is to do a report about a wonderful homeless musician.
Rupert: A man that has lived rough, suffering…
Alfie: Suffering?
Rupert: Daily aggressions, the cold of the night…
Jack: Cold!
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Rupert: The heat!
Alfie: But I like warm days…
Rupert: He has suffered the humiliations of passers-by…
Jack: Humiliations!
Rupert: In front of him!
Alfie: Poor guy!
Rupert: A man that left his great life and an old love he once had behind!
Alfie: Love stories hurt.
Rupert: To find his music outside!
Alfie: And who is that man?
Jack: Who is that man, Rupert?
Rupert: You, Alfie, you!
Alfie: Me?
Jack: Him?
Rupert: Help me, Jack. (Jack takes two Muppets, pretending they are Alfie and Chloe, and plays with
them to illustrate what Rupert is saying)
Rupert: You will dress up as that homeless musician. And when Chloe arrives, she will be touched by your
hard life on the street.
Alfie: What hard life? I grew up in Kensington.
Rupert: It will be a lie, of course.
Alfie: A lie, I love lie. Great, go on!
Rupert: And then she will fall in love with you again. Forever!
Jack: (Jack is over-enthusiastic and makes the two puppets kiss each other passionately.) Forever!
Jack, stop, you’ve made your point.
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Alfie: And do you think that will work?
Rupert: Of course!
Alfie: But who could present that special bulletin from here, from Daily News, if Chloe is out on the street?
Jack: I...
Rupert: I could do it for you.
Alfie: Would you?
Rupert: We are old “free-ends”.
Alfie: Friends, Rupert, friends.
Rupert: Yes, of course, we are old friends, thank you, friend.
Alfie: Thank you, friend! Get ready Rupert; you’re going back on set. I’ll call Chloe!
Rupert: Thank you, “freako”!
Jack: Freak, the word is freak.
Jack sees Chloe’s coat and touches it, little by little he dresses in her clothes and starts playing the
role of a daily news presenter. Alfie enters
Jack: Good afternoon, beloved spectators. Daily News presents a special report about Australian
Aborigines that were taken out of their homes. The Miss Universe contest has been cancelled
because the girls got too fat… The world’s tallest man has decided to buy a Chihuahua…
Alfie: Jack lets go, prepare the camera. Sorry madam. What are you...?
Jack: Sorry sir, I was checking to see if the clothes were soft and clean.
Alfie: Oh, Chloe!
Rupert appears on screen elegantly dressed. Chloe receives information through her earpiece.
Chloe: Where is this famous musician, Rupert?
Rupert: Don’t worry; he’ll be there in a minute.
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Chloe: I don’t understand these ideas that Alfie has…
Jack: He is coming; he’s just getting ready...! I mean, he is playing his musical instrument before arriving,
he is a professional…
Chloe: Jack, do you think I am a good presenter?
Jack: Yes, sure, you’re the best!
Chloe: Jack, neither Alfie nor Rupert are here; you can tell me the truth.
Jack: I think you were better at doing the animal reports. You loved it.
Chloe: The Daily News is a big step forward.
Jack: Maybe, but you have to love what you do even if people think it’s not so glamorous, or even if they
think it is stupid.
Jack presents her with a small teddy bear. Alfie enters playing, a love song on a guitar.
Chloe: Thank you, Jack.
Rupert: We are ready to broadcast, Chloe.
Chloe: Yes, sorry. Jack, please, is my make-up OK?
Jack: Yes. (Jack tries to put make-up on Alfie, but he rejects it)
Rupert: We start in 5,4,3,2... We bring you a direct bulletin with Chloe Smiths, the former presenter of this
programme. Chloe, the camera is yours.
Chloe: The man we present is an urban legend right here in the town... but let’s ask him for his story. Good
morning sir...
Jack: Good morning, good morning, oh love!
Chloe: Oh, yes, you are very musical. Well sir, we have been told that you decided to live on the streets in
search of freedom. Is that right?
Alfie makes a signal to Jack who comes with a tape recorder. Jack tries to create a romantic
atmosphere by throwing flower petals over them and blowing soap bubbles. For a moment, he
dances to Alfie’s song.
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Alfie: “I would leave the world, I would take a spaceship, I would chase a shining star to find your lovely
heartbeat… in the last corner of the galaxy, in the darkest hole, jumping from one moon to another
in another world...”
Chloe: That’s very touching sir, but, could you tell us, why are you here, on the streets?
Alfie: (Alfie, approaches her in a choreographed movement) “Because I need you, I need you, I need
you, baby. Since you left, my life is a joke, my love...”
Chloe: Ok, sir, please, don’t come so close to me, it looks bad on screen, OK!! Well, please, tell us, why
have you honoured us with this interview...
Alfie: (Alfie starts singing Queen’s “Somebody to Love”) Because we all need somebody to love...
(In the treble note Alfie gets inspired and forgets about Chloe, he is having his moment. He
finishes by kneeling and opens his coat to reveal his chest).
Chloe: Alfie, is that you? This is amazing, I hate you, you know? Now you have made me look silly in front
of the audience. I never want to see you again!
Jack: Chief, she has gone.
ESCENE 4
Back on set
Alfie: Rupert!
Rupert is hiding wherever he can from the now very furious Alfie.
Rupert: I really thought it could work!
Alfie: You will never sit in that chair again. Do you understand me?
Rupert: But Alfie…
Alfie: I should never have listened to you, you immigrant. You are fired!
Rupert: Ok Alfie, this is too much! It’s stupid to hound me all the time because I’m a foreigner …
Alfie: You foreign people are stealing our jobs... Poor Chloe!
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Rupert: Alfie, all we know is that you come from India even though you pretend to be a pure Englishman!
Alfie: You are a liar. My name is Alfred and I grew up in Kensington. Get out!
Rupert: Your name is Rabindranath and you grew up in Bombay!
Alfie: Get out! Jack!
Alfie: Give me those smelling salts. Call Chloe; tell her that the Daily News is hers if she wants it.
Jack: Yes, sir! (Everybody leaves. Chloe enters the studio)
She looks at photos and videos of her special animal reports. Her mobile phone rings. Chloe looks
for her bag.
Jack is calling her from the other side of the set, he can’t see her. Chloe’s phone stops ringing.
Rupert appears in front of Chloe, holding her bag.
Rupert: I guess you are looking for this.
Chloe: Thank you, Rupert.
Rupert: You’re welcome. Don’t look for your mobile phone. I was calling you, I was looking for you.
Chloe: Oh, really? What’s up?
Rupert: Well, Chloe, I think this fight between you and me is ridiculous.
Chloe: And why this sudden change?
Rupert: Alfie offered me Daily News because we were great on the street.
Chloe: He didn’t tell me that...
Rupert: Yes, he was going to tell you later… but, anyway, I have already made a decision.
Chloe: What decision?
Rupert: I will leave Daily News, it’s yours, and I’ll work on my wonderful programme “Rupert Looks for
Talent”. We shall never fight over the Daily News again.
Chloe: Really?
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Rupert: Really.
Chloe: You surprise me, Rupert! I always saw you as a selfish, vain pig with a complex who tries to destroy
all competition.
Rupert: People change. Oh, it’s time for dinner. Can I take you out for dinner?
Chloe: Yes, sure.
Jack calls Chloe again. Chloe’s funny ring tone sounds.
Chloe: What’s that?
Rupert: Nothing. My mother, I have this funny melody to identify her.
Chloe: Oh, funny, it’s like mine. Answer her!
Rupert: Sure, go ahead, please. I will be with you in a minute.
Chloe: OK. (She exits)
Rupert cuts Jack’s phone call off and hides Chloe’s mobile inside a very ugly prop.
SCENE 5
Alfie: OK, where is she?
Jack: I don’t know sir; I’ve called her several times!
Alfie: We are on live in 10 minutes!
Jack: What should we do?
Alfie: Call her back!
Chloe’s mobile rings somewhere on set. They listen.
Alfie: Listen! My little cherry pie, you and your mischief... We have to record very soon, my love. Come
on, stop your games.
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Jack: Oh, at last, Chloe, you have to come to record because now your freaky boss is having a hysterical
breakdown.
Alfie: Who? Repeat the last part, please Jack.
Jack: Yes, that selfish pig. He treats us like slaves. The man we hate so much, that one with the bad
breath.... the animal you wisely left with... (Alfie is in front of Jack and shows him that he has
Chloe’s mobile).
Jack: Sorry Chloe, I have to go, our fabulous boss needs me. Can you hurry up, please!
Alfie is going to hit Jack but then an alarm bell rings. Both run around desperately.
Alfie: That’s the bell, we start in 5 minutes! What should we do? What should we do? (Both stop short
and look at Chloe’s dress. Alfie observes Jack and disregards Alfie with a shy glance).
SCENE 6
Chloe is tied to a chair. Rupert is in front of her checking his watch
Chloe: (Trying to escape) This has gone too far, Rupert! Why are you pretending to kidnap me?
Rupert: Very simple: if a Daily News presenter doesn’t turn up for a live programme, he is immediately fired.
That works even for you, baby.
Chloe: (Laughing) Rupert, to be honest I don’t care at all about that stupid Daily News, I prefer my animal
reports.
Rupert: What?
Chloe: It was Alfie’s idea. But I don’t like it, everybody tells lies there.
Rupert: It was my programme!
Chloe: Yes, I know, I am sorry.
Rupert: No, it’s not your fault, it’s my accent...
Chloe: But you are a good journalist, Rupert, you deserve to...
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Rupert: My real name is Antonio Poviewski. I was born in Uruguay.
Chloe: And you have a lot of specialist qualifications. You are brilliant, I know. I read your CV.
Rupert: Why do people make it so complicated when you are from another country?
Chloe: Because it’s the easiest way to excuse people’s frustrations.
Rupert: Sorry, Chloe, this went too far. If we hurry up we can get to the show on time.
Chloe: OK, but I will tell Alfie that we will both present Daily News and I want my animal spot back.
Rupert: The truth is that he fired me.
Chloe: Don’t worry, he is crazy about me. (They leave)
SCENE 7
Jack wears an afro wig and dresses up like Chloe. He is presenting the news. It’s the end of the
broadcast. Alfie is eating his hat. Pictures are presented on screen.
Jack: Tibetan monks, South American peasants, the homeless, all these characters from around the
world are not just news topics for lunchtime entertainment. They are just as important as you and
me. So, just think, in our world don’t let anybody manipulate you.
Alfie: Cut! What have you done, Jack? The people want to hear dramatic stories, not to be socially
conscious. You’re fired!
Telephones start ringing
Alfie: Oh, no! This is the end of me!
Rupert and Chloe enter quickly.
Chloe: It’s too late.
Telephones:
1: I love the new presenter, he is so powerful...
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2: To the new presenter: could you tell me where to buy a wig like that?...
3: Braulio, I know you are there with another woman. Oh, sorry, wrong number....
4: It was very funny dressing the new presenter up like the old one. It will make for a progressive
change…
Boss: Alfie! Congratulations, I didn’t know Jack was so talented. I want him for the Daily News. It was
funny, the wig thing and him wearing Chloe’s dress… but if you dress him like that again, you are
fired!... OK, I’m going for lunch. By the way, I liked Chloe in the outside report and I think Rupert
could go with her to interview foreigners. He speaks a lot of languages, right?
Rupert: Chloe, it’s great we are friends now, maybe we could be more if you...
Chloe: Rupert…, Ha, ha, ha!
She goes over to Jack and kisses him on the cheek. She exits. Alfie comes closer to Jack. Seeing the
wig he shouts “Chloe, Chloe”. He touches Jack’s shoulder, but Jack slaps his hand away.
END
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GLOSSARY
answering machine: contestador
automático
audience: público
awful: horrible
behave, to: comportarse
beloved: queridos
blow, to: soplar
breakdown: ataque de nervios
broadcast: retransmitir
bulletin: boletín informativo
check, to: comprobar
contender: contendiente
crazy: loco
deserve, to: merecer
dry, to: secar
earpiece: auricular
expensive: caro
fall down, to: caerse
fall in love: enamorarse
fan: ventilador
fear the worst, to: temer lo peor
fire: despedir
fly: mosca
foreigner: extranjero
forsake, to: abandonar
heat: calor
hold, to: sostener
homeless: sin techo
hug, to: abrazar
improve, to: mejorar
interview: entrevistar
jealous: envidioso
journalist: periodista
kidnap, to: secuestrar
knock, to: golpear
lazy-bone: vago
leave, to: dejar/marcharse
liar: mentiroso
make sense, to: tener sentido
make-up: maquillaje
mess: lio
mischief: travesura
nervous: nervioso
octopus: pulpo
passers-by: transeúntes
powerful: poderoso
press: prensa
pretend, to: fingir
punishment: castigo
reject, to: rechazar
remove: quitar
scream, to: gritar
seek shelter, to: buscar refugio
selfish: egoísta
slap away, to: apartar de un golpe
slave: esclavo
smear, to: untar
steal, to: robar
success: éxito
take out, to: sacar
take over, to: dominar
talented: inteligente
thief: ladrón
tie, to: atar
tip: propina
turn off, to: apagar
ugly-looking: feo
upset, to: molestar/revolver
warn, to: avisar
waste, to: desperdiciar
whistle: silbido
wig: peluca
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