Yes, I crashed the Cadillac Records premiere in New York City.
Big deal. It’s not like they didn’t send me a press release or provide contact information to an insider (my lips are sealed).
Besides, with all the posted security, not to mention celebrity body handlers, it would have been nuts to behave like a crazy obsessed fan. I mean, who in their right mind would attend a movie premiere and conduct red carpet interviews (in my case, restricted to only video tape) if they didn’t intend to publish a story?
On second thought, don’t answer.
Over the years, I suppose the industry has seen its share of trouble. The wrong person slips by security and the next thing you know someone has a death grip on Brad Pitt's neck. Or, in the case of the 2008 Oscars, Gary Busey shows up and decides he’s a big enough deal to muscle in on Ryan Seacrest.
But, come on. Little old me?
I’m just trying to get a leg up in a dog eat dog celebrity world. Examiner.com doesn’t carry the same clout as, let’s say People magazine, but it sure as hell ranks with an operation like ITN and they managed to snag a plumb spot at the feeding frenzy.
Why not moi ?
Do walk right into a place like you belong there. Alternatively, wait for someone who does in fact belong and tag along.
Don’t (once past the gate) ask any questions, chat with anyone, or look anyone directly in the eye.
Do look pleasant and confident if you accidentally happen to make eye contact.
Do play with your cell phone and test shot your camera before the celebrities arrive. People tend to leave other people alone if they think they're busy doing something important.
Don’t weigh yourself down with personal items. Real professionals don’t bring much to these events or lay down whatever they have nearby.
Do arrive early and position yourself front and center so that celebrities will be more inclined to stop for an interview.
Don’t be greedy, monopolize a celebrity’s time or act like an obsessive idiot.
Do record everyone who looks remotely famous even if they don’t stop for an interview.
Don’t allow contemporaries to intimidate you. When given the evil eye or questioned by another newsperson, stand your ground and respond in a way to make that person feel petty.
Do whatever you are told if you get caught. More humiliating than getting thrown out on your ear is creating a big scene before getting thrown out on your ear.
Do make small talk with extremely personable and funny Brad Blanks.
Don’t let Jay Z become a distraction as he whizzes by without taking any questions.
Do stand your ground with jostling reporters and rude people insisting on a better camera angle.
Don’t get your feathers ruffled by the annoying twenty-something (who shall remain nameless) incessantly turning around to glare every time you raise your video camera.
Do watch out for the killer pavement grate that eats thin high-heeled shoes for breakfast.
Don’t laugh out loud as Kelly Ripa screws up her face and turns silent Mark Consuelos into a background accessory.
Do keep tabs on Toccara Jones insatiable pie appetite. That girl ate a whole pie two weeks ago. Says it took her four days, but who’s counting?
Do encourage the celebrities to self-promote. The best interviews are the ones where celebrities open up about their work and future projects.
Don’t fawn all over the celebrities. Hey, they’re just people. People with a whole lot of friends, personal assistants, fame, and do-ri-me.
Do smile back and say hello to the incredibly handsome Akon when he initiates conversation with a beautiful smile and smoldering eye contact.
Don’t confuse Ne-Yo with another celebrity. Even with a funny looking hat, that rapper is unmistakable.
Do offer bribes and/or pray on your knees for camera time when handlers threaten to remove Beyonce for a cast photo.
Don’t ask Beyonce’s mother how she feels about Jay Z. She will tell you everything there is to know about her daughter, but you’re not going to get her to talk about her son-in-law. Not now, not ever.