About Me

OK, I was born in Muar, Johor and by the age of 5 I was kidnapped by a spy from Russia coz apparently they thought I was the superhuman. I dunno, but when I was a kid I could levitate any object telekinetically and shot balls of cotton out of my mouth. However, the super powers seems to dwindled ever since I reached puberty, and you DON'T WANT to know about my puberty. It's a mess with gooey stuff everywhere (i.e. cotton + saliva = gooey). OK where was I?

Bored of being kept hostage at the Kremlin, with the help of Agent Jefri Zain, I managed to break free and while the KGBs were torturing innocent people in search for me, Jeff and I hid inside a cave on a mountainous Russian area. Inside the cave we encountered a hungry giant bear, and since I'm rather much more important person, I sacrificed Jeff. It was ugly. All the blood and shouting and innards strewn all over... He was such a drama queen. So there, I was all alone again.

After I tuck the bear to sleep, I continued my journey on my segways coz I'm like an environmentalist y'all. Say no to petrol consumption. Anyways, I reached a place called Slovakia or Svetlana or something and all I got was like 5 bucks. Fortunately, five bucks was equal to exactly 38 234.76 Slovakian Pesos. So I grabbed the next plane to LA to chill with my bro from the other hoe, Ashton Kutcher pre-Demi Moore days. His place was not that impressive. It just 5 storey bungalow with only 7 bodyguards and 53 pinoy maids. Anyhow, I crashed there for about five years, chillen and partying like a rock star that I am. In the middle of that, I managed to graduate Magna cum Laude from Cal State (Go 49ers!) in Bio Nuclear Thermophology Engineering, but whatever. Demi came, and pull a Yoko Ono on Ashton so I gotta bounce.

Next I flew to Brazil and met this skinny shy 'no-speak-english' girl by the name of Adriana Lima. Since I was so mesmerized by the beauty of Brazilian landscape, I asked Adriana to get me a disposable camera so I can keep the memory and rub it in Ashton's face that I can have an awesome time without him or that hag he's humping. Since it was not a digital (duh!), I was so awkward that I accidentally snapped random pictures of Adriana. Then we went jaywalking along the beautiful Rio de Janeiro beach to snap pictures. Apparently, the national costume of Brazil is tiny micro bikinis and a football ball.

After like a week of Brazilian women and Brazilian Wax (ouch!), I decided to crash my hommies pad in Tokyo, Japan. His name is Hidetoshi Nakata and he said that he's a big deal, but I failed to see why. He sure is funny. Anyways there was a total old bitch sat next to me to Tokyo, clad in Prada from head to toe. However I manage to out-bitch her and we're cool now. She said her name is Anna Wintour, and she worked at a publishing company that I haven't heard of. I showed her my brazil pictures and she seems to be so interested with Adriana pics I randomly snapped, so to value our senior citizens, I gave her the pictures.

Next thing I know, several days later the pic was used as the new campaign of AX, and I heard Adriana is kinda a supermodel right now. But, whatever... So here am I in Japan, waiting for Hidey to bring back lunch. What took him so long? I hope he's not humping that american girl who were lost in translation again.